Destiny
by Cherrie
Summary: *Updated!* (Kurama+Botan) Separated by a supposed death, destiny still has a way of making two souls meet.
1. Prologue

**Destiny**

Standard disclaimers apply. Yu Yu Hakusho and all it's characters are not mine, I'm merely borrowing ^_^ Comments, suggestions and violent reactions are very much welcome blackcape@edsamail.com.ph. Thank you for taking time to read this fic ^-^ 

**Prologue**

He kissed her with all the gentleness he could have mustered, yet failing to hide the desire to hold her tightly in the strength of his arms. She was responding to him eagerly though, as she shifted closer to mold herself into his body, her arms running up behind his neck. She moved her head to the side for better access in his trembling lips, her breathing deep between every longing seize of his lower lip. 

He knew they wouldn't hold out much longer. With every kiss and every heated touch she trailed on his skin had left him wanting for more. With every move, she risked pulling both of them in the edge of his control. He forced himself to pull away, dropping his arms at her sides to take a deep breath, willing them not to find their way around her waist again. He hated the way she made him conscious of every little thing. If she were the same as the other women he was with before, if only his feelings for her were similar, he would've taken her long before. And yet, he would always find himself battling whether or not he would permit it, or still go on protecting her from the disgrace she might face if ever he stopped caring. He never cared for anything. But her. 

"I have to go," he said, his voice coming out coldly in that trademark tone of his. His heavenly white clothes rustled as they were rubbed against the roughness of the stone they were sitting on, falling neatly behind him as he stood up. He found himself needing to turn away to avoid the hurt look in her eyes. 

"You're leaving again?" she asked, her voice trembling as she looked up at him. The rage of the fierce winds had taken their toll from her, her sky-blue hair glistening in their smoothness as they rode the wind. The long sleeves of her pink kimono followed thus, making her twice as beautiful as she was. He couldn't take his eyes off her. 

He held one more second to look at her before he struggled to turn away. He grabbed the sack that lay on the grass beside him, swinging it behind his shoulder as he walked away. "My men are waiting for me. You better go," he told her, never even thinking of looking back. He found it easier to walk away if he didn't have to look at her. And yet behind his closed eyes, he could see the tears that might have fallen from her with those words. He refused to look at her, afraid that he might be tempted to keep his men waiting just to be with her. Hell, had he changed. 

She watched him walk away behind her hot tears, her hands clenched on her sides. She sat down on the hard rock they've been in just a few moments ago. One hand trembled its way to her lips, her eyes drifting closed at the memory of his kisses. She remembered the wa his hands tremble whenever they touch, remember how tightly he held himself before he would touch her any further. They've been meeting like this as long as their time permits it, and yet he never let go of the ice that he had placed around himself. In only his touch could she truly feel him, and yet he would sometimes hide that to her as well. And it always ended the same, like he would remember something just to get away from her. Sometimes she even wondered why she kept coming back. She had only known him for a few days, she didn't even know his name. 

She wiped her tears away and stood up, producing her oar in her right hand. Why does he keep distancing away from her? 

=== 

"Watch out!" Li's hardened whisper came crashing through his consciousness as he felt himself being grabbed by the wrist, pulling him away behind a wall. Li was one of his comrades in the horde that he leads. The man was a few inches shorter than he was, belonging to the same race of kitsune from which he came from. They almost looked the same, with only the eyes and hair failing the similarity. Li had pitch-black hair and gray eyes, while his were silvery blue hair with eyes of gold. 

The sound of footsteps came sickly nearer and nearer. The two waited, hearing the door creak open as a fierce looking man popped his head in. "Anyone here?" the harsh voice rang the whole room, the deep tone almost burying the air. His eyes trailed the room critically, every second ticking like it was a deadly countdown. The two youkai held their breath, eyes narrowed as they watched the man take a hold of the door knob. He looked around some more, heaved out a sickening grunt and walked away. 

Silence covered them both as a sigh of relief came from Li's mouth, glaring at his companion. "Are you trying to get us both killed!?" he asked furiously, pointing an accusing finger at him. 

He merely shrugged his reply as he walked out of the room. "Tell the others to hurry it up, I want to get out of here," he said sternly, his voice calm and cold as it came out. He looked around and walked to where they had entered. Li followed. 

There was an explanation for his absent-mindedness that day. He couldn't stop thinking about her, the young deity whom he had met a few days ago. Ever since they have met, he couldn't take the thought of her away, couldn't take the smiles she had given him, couldn't take away the pained expression her youthful face held whenever he'd say he would leave. He never wanted to leave, never. But he was afraid that he might hurt her. He didn't trust himself to take care of her, didn't trust his body not to take advantage of her. A thief that had been going against the rules of her world isn't exactly a perfect pair for such a naïve girl as she was. He didn't want to stain her. He didn't deserve her. 

"Oi, do you even know where you're going? Are you thinking of getting us both lost!?" Li's voice sounded again, finding the man's hand knocking on his forehead several times to wake him up. 

He blinked a few times to wake himself from his stupor, only to glare at Li through his golden eyes. "We're not going to get lost," he stated firmly, resulting in his desired effect as Li backed away from him in a hidden terror, following behind him like an obedient puppy. Really, he liked the way he could make anybody follow him like that. 

Amidst his steps, all that he could think about was her again, whether or not he should come back to meet her. But given the choice, all he ever wanted was to be with her, to hold her purity in his sinful arms. But she was not like the previous female youkai he had been with before. The others were just as sinful as he was, finding it in himself to leave all of them as soon as he had taken what he wanted. Usually it was power that he sought from them, their treasures and secrets. And soon after he'd let his group cast their shadows upon those treasuries, leaving all those women in a state of shock and rage. And every time he never saw any of them again. 

But she was different. He never wanted anything from her, that is if wanting one's presence is considered stealing. 

"Yo, I think that fat guy saw us," Li said from behind him, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. He shrugged the man off as he continued walking. 

He didn't want to hurt her. Nor did he want to hurt himself. He had to leave her, for the sake of them both. He'll leave her, but not before he'd tell her how he truly feels. That loss would pain her for sure, but he didn't mind anymore. He was distinctly selfish, and even for one last time, he'd share her his pain. 

The sound of gunfire woke him up from his daze, his head quickly turning back to see the source. "Damn!" he cursed as he pulled Li's wrist, the two running away from the hunter they had earlier met. 

"I told you he saw us!" Li shouted as gunfire rained upon them. He could hear the distant yells of the hunter, the rage of footsteps trailing behind them. 

_ I must live…_

"Go there!" Li shouted as they reached a fork. They decided to split up, him taking the right as Li took the left. The hunter stopped abruptly in mid step, only to decide that he shall follow the silver haired one. 

_ I must live for you…_

The chase went on, with Li trailing behind the hunter. He must've sensed the hunter following his ally, for he had turned back to at least give the hunter a hard time. Gunfire still coursed through the surroundings, poisoning his mind in a frantic attempt to get away. 

_ I need to see you…_

There was a turn in the path that he had to take unless he wanted to crash. It was a risk he needed to take, willing only himself to get away…that had been his mistake. 

_ I need to hold you again…_

The sound of a last gunfire rang through his head as darkness enveloped him. The only thing he could hear was Li's voice calling out for him, "Kurama!!!" 

_ To be with you one last time…_

**End of Prologue**   
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 1

**Destiny**

Standard disclaimers apply. Yu Yu Hakusho and all it's characters are not mine, I'm merely borrowing ^_^ This chapter is done after Kurama became Shuuichi, in that time where Yusuke was trying to get the three artifacts. Done with that ugly guy, this chapter starts off with Yusuke's face-off with Kurama. As you may notice, the fanfic is somewhat based on the series, although I've changed a few lines and such. It would be a bit too boring if I used too much similarities, it would be like writing a summary with a twist, ne? ^-^ Chapter done in Kurama's point of view. 

**Chapter 1**

I was forced to steal again, the dark memories of my past flooding through my mind as I held the mirror in my hands. The chill of the mirror's surface cut through my skin like a cold knife, the painful mockery filling all my senses, making my hands tremble. Memories, that I merely considered illusions now, started a furious downpour in my mind and left me in a daze. And I find myself struggling to get rid of it, to void it from my head like a distressing nightmare.   
  
I stole it for my human mother, to at least have a chance of saving her from her illness. Never in my life have I found someone to really love deeply since my escape, and I would have given my all just to have her live. Shiori Minamino had always been kind to me, treating me like a son for all these years. Not that she's not taking care of her son, it's just that it's not truly Shuuichi Minamino who she's been with these past years. It's me, a crazed youko who had stolen her son from her. I've done her a grave sin, and all I wanted now is to make up for it, to prove myself worthy of her love as much as her true son does. 

The mirror was supposed to grant any wish in exchange for a life. Right now I don't have any sacrifice but myself, but I had convinced myself that I'd rather die than have my mother die instead. I wouldn't have the heart to live through the guilt. My mother had taught me that, how to be kind and how to share. And this is my payment for her patience and love. And for my lies. 

"So that was your mother," Yusuke, the Reikai detective whom I promised the mirror to, said in a soft voice. I could've sworn there was sympathy, but nonetheless, I'm not sure whether or not I cared at the moment. All I could think about was my mother. Worry and anxiety swirled inside me that I find myself void of any other emotion. 

I nodded my head in response to him. "She had been the one who had cared for me all these years," I started, feeling my fists clench tightly at my side that I thought I felt blood trickling down from it. Yet I still don't care. I took a deep breath and told him everything about my past, about everything that my mother has done for me. He listened with meek sincerity, nodding every once in a while whenever I pause. I watched his expression of pure understanding, but he also had a look of determination. He was a spirit detective after all, and he was here for the mirror. What else should I expect? 

"Why are you telling me this?" he asked me, his eyes pointed directly at mine. 

I averted my gaze from him, setting the mirror on the ground in front of me. "I just want to let someone know. And I know you trust me enough," I told him indifferently as I sighed. The calm, peaceful look he had given me confirmed what I said. From the very beginning, I had watched him and I knew he spoke in all honesty when he said he felt I wasn't an enemy. And I have no plans of breaking that trust. "I'll give it to you once I'm done," I told him, holding up my hand above the shimmering glass. 

The mirror had shown my mother's face as soon as my reflection hit its surface. The smile my mother wore in that image made my heart clench, a sudden burst of pain and sorrow filling me. I couldn't feel myself any longer, all I ever wanted was for her to be well. No matter what the cause. Is this what you long for? I heard a deep voice in my head. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. A breath that most probably be my last. I nodded my head to give it the sign that I have agreed. 

_ For you, okaasan…_

I shut my eyes as sparks of electricity flowed through my arm up to my body, causing me to stiffen in my place as the pain coursed through me. I tried to hold on for a few more seconds but the pain was suddenly unbearable. I gritted my teeth as I willed myself to only think of okaasan. I shall die for her. I had made my wish. Through all the pains, I find no regrets.   
  
But just as I could feel my body giving in, the mirror started to give me back my strength. I opened my eyes to see Yusuke crouched beside me, offering his own life to the mirror instead. "What are you doing?" I asked him, frustration evident in my voice. I watched him slowly weaken under the mirror's spell. I glared at him through my stinging eyes as I kept my hand intact for the mirror to take. If only the mirror hadn't held me immobile, I would've pushed the young boy away. I was in haste, and I would never allow anything to go between me and the mirror. Not even Reikai. My mother's about to die, and I can't let myself just sit and wait. But I wouldn't allow this man to be harmed because of my purpose. 

"No! Take my life instead!" he yelled at the mirror, ignoring me completely. He kept his hand where it was, edging it closer to the surface. I could see his eyes spark at those words, the sheer look of determination made me almost appreciate his effort. Almost, but not enough. The circumstances were different now, and all I could think about him was that he was stubborn and foolish. I have given him a chance to back away from danger, to only wait for me until I have used it. And here he was, offering his own life. He was a fool. Brave, but a fool. 

This is stupid. "Stop it! This is my problem!" I persisted. I wouldn't let him do this. I have been around people too much to may have felt guilt. And no doubt I'd kill myself if this man here would die because of me. It wouldn't make me feel right. Not another life… 

And yet he looked at me with an enough amount of desperation to may have actually moved me. "I couldn't bear the pain of a mother crying because she had lost her child," he told me, his eyes piercing into mine. He paused for a brief moment, as if remembering something. I watched his face twist in the possible memory, and he glared at me again. "I can't bear it!" 

Suddenly, I felt the mirror pushing me, us, back. I couldn't fight it, and I was thrown away from the mirror. The last thing that I remembered seeing was a white, blinding light as I stumbled upon the hard ground. 

_ Okaasan…_

I woke up with a start, feeling blood rush to my body. My head throbbed at the sudden movement, but I merely winced in pain as I tried to contemplate on things. I looked at my hands, moving my fingers gingerly. A sudden struck of horror flooded through me, stilling me. I was alive. I quickly looked back at Yusuke in response to my shock. I watched in mixed horror and relief to see him move. He was alive as well. 

_ But okaasan…no…_   
  
"Shuuichi-san!" I heard a nurse call out for me from the door. I glanced at her, my heart filled with anxiety, but the smile on her face had somehow lifted my spirits up. Maybe…"Shiori-san! Your mother! She's all right!" 

A surge of excitement and relief flooded through me as I pulled myself up, running for the door of my mother's room. I don't know what had just happened, but I wished to whatever gods up there for my mother to live. She had been, and still is, everything to me. 

I opened the door hastily to her room, quite impolitely I must say, and saw several people huddled up around her bed. And then I finally saw her. She extended her hand up to me as I neared her, a sure sign that she was well. I couldn't help the warm feeling of relief spread in my chest as I walked to her. 

"Shuuichi…" 

"Hai, hai," I muttered reassuringly, taking her hand in mine gently. Her usual warmth and comfort had come back, the love clearly showing in her touch. I'll never let her go again. Never. If given another chance, a similar situation, I would've done the same thing I just did. With or without Yusuke. "I'll take care of you, okaasan." 

Her smile had been the whole world to me. "I'm so glad you're here." 

I smiled as well, setting her back on her bed. "I'm glad we're together again," I told her before asking her to go to sleep. I stared down at her as she closed her eyes, watched as she drifted of to a deep and peaceful sleep. And for once after all these times, I was sure she'll wake up. 

It was a few minutes then before I remembered my earlier encounter. Yusuke. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't even be here. I owe him a favor despite my earlier actions. Actually, I owe him an apology for my behavior. I looked back at the slightly open door that led to the lighted halls of the hospital. 

I smiled. 

At least I should thank him. 

I gave my mother a light peck on her cheek before I turned for the door. I quickened my pace as I neared the top floor, finally reaching the final set of steps. From where I stood, I could hear laughter up on the roof. That of a male's, which surely belongs to Yusuke, and that of a female's. And I stopped in mid-step at that vague familiarity. 

My eyes widened at that recognition as I ran faster up the stairs. As I reached the door, it quickly opened to reveal Yusuke's face right in front of me. We stared for a couple of seconds before he held up the mirror to me and grinned. "I believe you'll be keeping your promise, eh Kurama?" he asked me, his brown eyes not leaving mine. 

I nodded at him and gave him a small smile of my own. "Of course. I believe I forgot to thank you. I apologize for being rude though…" 

He held up his hand to cut me off. "Nevermind, I'm just glad you and your mother are okay now," he said as he walked past me. "See ya!" 

I followed him with my eyes, a smile on my lips. Truly, I was grateful. There might be a chance for Reikai afterall. I would've followed him down, but I remembered that voice before I reached the roof. The smile faded. My hands clenched into fists as I willed myself to look back at the roof. 

And then I saw her. So I was right. 

I sucked my breath and felt my heart skip a beat. I stood in silent admiration as my eyes set on a girl's slim body, clad in a light pink kimono. She sat on her oar, her hair being tossed around by the wind, hypnotizing me in my place. But what had me completely mesmerized was the way she had looked at me with large pools of purple, captivating me in her gaze that was filled with childish ignorance and naiveté. Just like before.   
  
I knew it was her from the very first sound of her laughter, the very first remembrance. I'm afraid I may have only heard the soft bells of her laughter once, once for I kept myself from making her believe she should trust me. I only heard it once, because I never again permitted myself to hear it again, in fear of making it break through my shield. I never let myself hear her again. I promised myself I never would, in fear of getting hurt. In fear of getting us both hurt. 

But now we've met again, after all these years, and it had come so suddenly that I felt myself weaken. Just the hope to be able to see her again helped me find my strength. The strength of finally meeting her after years of longing. For that first time that I had heard her laughter, although I swore I forbid myself to hear it, I knew I'll remember it for eternity. 

**End of chapter 1**   
  



	3. Chapter 2

**Destiny**

Standard disclaimers apply. Yu Yu Hakusho and all it's characters are not mine, I'm merely borrowing ^_^ Chapter done in Botan's point of view. 

**Chapter 2**

I was so proud of Yusuke! I couldn't believe he could have done so much in just a few days. He had retrieved two artifacts at such a short time, and only one more to go. My job is not as hard as I thought it was afterall. 

I suppose I was so deep in thought about my pride for Yusuke that I had let my guard down. It was only until my overfilling joy subsided when I finally felt his presence. I silenced myself as I felt my heart beat faster, rising in a tremendous speed that I couldn't help myself gasp for breath. I had never been this uneasy for so long. 

Finally, I willed myself to look at the door from where these feelings arose from, and I found myself staring at one of the most enchanting eyes I have ever set my gaze upon. I suddenly felt myself tremble as I sat still on my oar. He looked at me with pure shock in his emerald eyes, his lips slightly parted in a stunned expression. But despite the curiosity that had build up inside me for his gaze, I couldn't help the blush that crept to my cheeks as I found myself admiring his beauty, his evident grace. I wasn't sure what Yusuke had meant when he said that this man was not an enemy, but as I look at him without fear now, I might say it probably arose from his looks. He had such a gentle face that I myself may have doubted he had evil intentions about his stealing if I hadn't been informed.   
  
The silence that surfaced between us was mind shattering, and I found myself taking more shallow breaths now. I wasn't sure what it was in this man that made me so nervous. "Anou…can I help you?" I finally blurted out to him, abruptly averting my gaze, but my eyes betrayed me as they looked back at him. 

He looked at me a bit longer. He turned his eyes away, his hand finding his head as he shut his eyes, as if in pain. I was about to ask him if he was all right when he opened his eyes again to look at me, opening his mouth as if to say something, but closing it again in mid thought. He bit his lip, the look in his eyes uncertain. He licked his lips before turning away again, leaving me in slight surprise at his actions. Not to mention with a blush. I hated myself for reacting so stupidly because of his actions, graceful actions I must say. But there was something in him that I couldn't quite understand. A mystery that I felt so familiar with. It was almost like… 

The sudden beep from inside my kimono crushed the silence that had fallen between us. I saw him watch me pull the small gadget from my obi from the corner of his eyes, making me conscious of my every movement. But despite the uneasiness, I don't want to leave his gaze. "Yes, Koenma-sama?" I answered as Koenma-sama's child face flashed through the screen. 

Koenma-sama's expression turned from mellow to angry as he pushed his small fists into the screen. "Botan, where the hell are you!? The second artifact is done, why aren't you returning yet?" he yelled, his high-pitched voice crushing my ears. Suddenly, I missed the silence. 

I almost wanted to hit Koenma-sama for saying that. Now I looked like a total idiot. In front of this "Kurama" as well. Baka, baka, baka, Koenma-sama! You should be thankful I still respect you after all these years. I frowned, "Yes, yes, Koenma-sama," I assured him, closing the compact in my fists, feeling the material almost breaking in my hold. Baka, Koenma-sama, of all places to yell at me! 

I was about to leave when I caught a glimpse of his figure running up to me. He held up his hands, calling out for me. "W-Wait!" He yelled. Even through a yell, his voice had come out so soft, and all I ever want was to hear him again. I didn't know why I felt like this, but I sure am not hasty to find out. I wanted to cherish it for a while. Although I'm not sure if I can hold on for long. 

I looked down at him as I turned my oar, lowering myself a bit to be leveled with him and the roof. "Uhm…is something wrong?" I asked. I wanted to hit myself at the sheer stupidity of that question, but still, I wanted to know whether or not he was feeling all right. I finally found myself near enough for conversation, and I looked at him with patient waiting for him to answer. 

He suddenly stepped back again, as if afraid to be so close to me. I almost frowned at that. He hesitated at first, but then he finally spoke, "Can we talk?" he asked, blurted actually. The question was so sudden that I felt myself stumble back. I looked at him in mild surprise. A look of confusion came to me as I shook my head to show my uncertainty. "Please?" he asked again. This time, he was a tad bit bolder, leaning on the edge to look closer at me. 

I lowered my gaze, my brows meeting in the mist of all these confusion. We barely even know each other. What would he want from me? Information about Yusuke? About Reikai? Will he cause another case against the other realm? Another threat? But if so, why do I find myself completely trusting him? All I could do was ask. "What about?" 

He shook his head. "I just need to ask you something. But not now, next time maybe." 

I'm not even sure if there'll ever be a next time, I thought with a frown. But nonetheless, I nodded. That was the first time I saw his smile, and I almost choked at the sight of it. It was as if he became more beautiful than before. At first I doubted it would have been possible, but now I'm looking at the living proof. He was indeed more beautiful now. I had to knock myself out of my own world to really focus on the real one. 

"We'll meet again, I'm sure," he said, his voice firm and certain. And I believe him. For a strange reason, I find myself utterly stupid and gullible for all his possible lies. But whenever I look at the depths of his eyes, all doubts leave my mind, leaving me in a state of trance that might even make me jump from my oar if he asks me to. And I knew I had to get away. From him and the possible danger my actions might lead to if I remained. 

"I have to go," I told him, lifting myself up as I tried to avoid his eyes. But the sudden warmth of his hand around mine suddenly ceased further movements from me, making me look at him again. If this hold keeps up, I might as well jump from this oar even without him asking me to. The feelings that he had stirred just by looking had made me a complete fool under his command. 

But again, all doubts slipped my mind at the worried look he gave me from those mesmerizing eyes. I could only hope he was sincere. "But you would talk to me, won't you?" he asked, his grip tightening its hold. 

I stared down at his hands as they held mine. I felt my face flush. I pulled my hand away quickly, holding it in the other in an attempt to warm the cold flesh. He was making me so nervous, I really had to go. And so I nodded slowly. "Yes…but I really have to go," I told him, but voice cracking through my nervousness. 

He smiled again, and all of a sudden I almost wanted to change my mind about leaving. "Thank you," he told me, his eyes possessing an interesting sparkle. "Until next time then." 

* * *

"Where the hell is Urameshi!?" Kazuma Kuwabara yelled at no one in particular as we all sat at a remote area of the park, waiting for Yusuke to arrive. It had been quite a while. I had been able to meet Keiko Yukimura, and she had been a great friend to me after Yusuke had explained that, let's say, what she saw with me and him the first time was not what she was thinking. I met Shizuru, Kuwabara's older sister and Yukina, Hiei's younger sister. Although I know I'll get killed if I told anybody else besides the ones who already know about Yukina and Hiei's relationship. 

And speaking of Hiei, we were able to put him on our side with much help from Kurama. He had convinced Hiei to help Yusuke on his next mission, which I might say had been one bumpy ride, but it all turned out quite well. Hiei had turned out to be a very valuable ally to have. And so was Kurama. It turns out that he was someone who was highly intellectual and very much a gentleman. And I find myself thinking about him ever since that meeting in the hospital. 

But he had never kept his word of talking to me. I waited, and yet he doesn't seem to be showing much sign to want to talk to me about anything. I kept waiting, sometimes fearing that he might have changed his mind. But I don't want to jump to any conclusion, after all, I was quite certain that he was serious that time. 

We barely talk now. We barely even take glances of each other. I could feel a certain wall slowly building up between us, keeping me from getting to him. And it hurts. I was obsessed with him, helpless at the chains he unconsciously wrapped around me after that day. Sometimes, I even want to cry because of him. To cry for his cold ignorance of what I felt. 

"Botan?" 

The sound of that familiar voice cut through my thought as I suddenly looked up to see Kurama looking at me. "Are you feeling all right?" he asked, his eyes filled with worry as he gazed at me. I was speechless that time, I didn't know what to say. 

Okay, so he's not that cold right now, but it was only a friendly concern that he had asked me that. I'm not even sure if he'd care if I say I felt down. I felt everyone's eyes on me, feeling their concerned murmurs as they followed Kurama's lead. 

"Oi! I'm here!" Yusuke's voice announced as he threw his bag on the table, knocking a few cups off. His face twisted at the clumsy display. "Oops!" 

Keiko stood up abruptly, pulling on Yusuke's ear. "Yusuke, what the hell did you do that for!?" she asked as she pulled Yusuke down on one seat. "You should be more careful!" 

I watched Yusuke scowl in pain at Keiko's handling, seeing everyone laugh at the two. Well, maybe not Hiei, whom I've watched looking away from the first time I saw him that day, and until now he kept the same position. My eyes fell upon Kurama then, seeing him chuckle in recognition at the two's display. But it was only a short time when his laughter died down as he looked back at me, his eyes filling with concern again. I shook my head at his silent question, looking down at my hands as I twisted my fingers around. 

I couldn't stand it. I had to ask him what he wants from me. If we keep up this pace, I might as well drive myself mad! 

**End of chapter 2**   
  
  
  
  


  


  


  



	4. Chapter 3

**Destiny**

Standard disclaimers apply. Yu Yu Hakusho and all it's characters are not mine, I'm merely borrowing ^_^ Chapter done in Kurama's point of view. Okay, Youko Kurama's to be precise, so it's a bit different. After all, it wasn't stated that Kurama was the goody-to-shoes Shuuichi when he was a youko, ne? This is just a short flashback if your obvious intellect or even the italics wouldn't permit you that knowledge. Lime alert, almost lemon actually, but I'm too tired for that…not to mention too young. Hit me on the head if ever this fic turns out lemon, okay?   
  
**Chapter 3**__

A muffled scream shook the thick vegetation, abruptly ceasing my steps as I whirled around to its direction. Usually, it shouldn't have bothered me. Makai was filled with screams, whether it is by innocent souls that had lost their way in the hungry mouths of predators or by the predators themselves who had finally found their match. I tried shaking the thought of seeking the voice's owner, leaving all hope that she, or whoever the voice's owner was, was alive or on it's way through an escape. It was always like that. And they always end in death. 

But as I tried to step away, another ear-crushing scream kept me still. This time, it was followed by a muted growl. My eyes narrowed at the sudden scene that flashed through my head. A girl with a youkai. Very much typical. 

And yet, I found myself in a sudden sprint towards the sounds, with only the girl's voice leading me on my way. _She better keep screaming_, I thought to myself, _Or else I might change my mind and leave her instead_. Patience was not really my virtue, I only practice it when needed. And I hardly find rescuing a girl necessary. But something in the vulnerability of that voice had me captivated, pulling me to accept the hidden plea. One wouldn't regularly find me a knight in shining armor, but there are times when I could spare the time. Not that I cared, such deeds just give me a good excuse to kill, a great way to practice my skills. 

I reached her quickly enough. I looked around to find a girl that resembled that of a human's body, with a huge youkai awaiting his time to pounce at her. His eyes blazed with a burst of fury as I noticed the blood that trickled down from his left eye. My gaze shifted down to the ground and found an oar with bloodstains on the very tip. I would have smirked at the thought of a girl even laying a finger on this giant monster. Must be the shame, explains why he's so furious. I then shifted my gaze to the girl. A pink kimono and possessed an oar. Of course. 

Reikai. 

She certainly was a Reikai ferrygirl, which gave me all the fine reasons to mind my own business. I never really was acquainted with that realm, and I have no plans of starting to do so. I was a thief after all, and there's a possibility that this girl would turn me over just after I rescue her. I've had a lot of idiotic men to go along such ferrygirls, all of them turned over to Reikai. After a night's pleasure, they're all left to their doom. Such women are cold, pitiless bitches as I see it. 

I was about to turn back and walk away, but her ice shattering voice made me stop. "Wait!" she called out, only to yelp in fear as the youkai growled at her and taunted another step towards her. "Help me, please!" 

I stared at her, seeing the tiny evidence of tears in her eyes. She wasn't looking at me though, she was looking at the youkai who had somehow found its way to take two more steps. She was backing away with every move, her whole body trembling beneath the cold winds. I watched them, neither of them deserving the right to live in my mind. But it had been long since I've killed somebody, and I find myself thirsty for the bloodshed that had been caused by my own hands yet again. 

What the hell. 

My whip slashed through the muscled body of the youkai, too quick to allow him a scream. The giant weight of his body made the ground quiver as it fell to its back, eyes and mouth opened in obvious shock. He wasn't ready for that strike. 

What a fool. 

I stared at the corpse that lay ungracefully in front of me, my feet moving forward to let me pick up the oar that lay discarded on the ground. I then looked at the girl who was still trembling in her place, her pale hands wrapped around herself in fear. I gave her a sardonic grin, gesturing to the oar in my hands. "Is this yours?" I asked her. 

It took her a few seconds to look up at me with tearful eyes. It took a few seconds more for her to nod her head. "Anou…t-thank you for saving me. C-Can I have my oar back?" 

I didn't move, with only a disdainful grunt as my reply. I walked back to the lifeless body that laid sprawled to the ground. I stared in obvious distaste as blood flowed out of his body from where my whip had wrapped itself on him. I held the oar tightly in my grip, poising it on top of the other eye. I looked at the girl from the corner of my eyes just as I heard a surprised gasp, feeling her voice shaking in her throat. I smirked wryly with my back to her as I swiftly stabbed the oar to the youkai's eye, leaving him with both eyes now blind. Not that he needed it anyway, he's dead. I wasn't trying to hit him really, I just want to play with the girl a little further. 

The sudden sound of sobbing started to wake me from my play as I turned back to find the girl crying, her face buried in her palms. I watched her impassively as she shook in her place, almost violently enough to may have bothered me. After a while, I found myself stepping towards her, dropping her oar as I did so. I couldn't give it to her now, it might just scare her even more with the blood I just placed on it. 

I looked at it once last time. No, definitely, I couldn't give it to her. "You're all right," it came out firmer than I had intended to, and I doubted whether that had helped her or just made her feel worse. I really didn't know why I cared, but I felt like I needed to help this girl, discarding the thought how much I despise Reikai. Hell, if she turns on me, I'll kill her, simple as that. 

I watched her back away from me, her sobs getting more and more louder each time I try to touch her. I tried coaxing her, but it seems as though she couldn't trust me. I don't blame her, actually, I found her wise for not trusting me. I'm still in the process of deciding whether or not I'd kill her as well, or at least blind her the same way I had that youkai. 

But all thoughts slipped my mind as I felt a heavy warmth falling to my chest, leaving me to lose my footing. I fell back as I find myself gazing down the girl's body, my eyes locking at the sudden closeness. She must have fainted. I scowled at myself for losing my guard. If that was an attempted attack, I should be as good as dead by now. 

But as I gazed down at the innocent show this girl had proved to me, I found myself wrapping my arms around her, lifting her up in my arms. I wasn't sure on what I would do to her, but she badly needed relief from everything that has happened. Her body was filled with scratches and bruises, and I caught myself fingering a light wound in her pale lips. So maybe I was too late after all. Suddenly, I found myself regretting what I did, I shouldn't have scared her like that. 

She was unconscious enough to allow me to take her with me to my lair. It started to rain hard, leaving us both soaked to the skin as we finally reached shelter. I set her down on my own bed as I went to another room to dry myself. And as I did so, the memories of her screams, her fearful eyes, her trembling hands, all came back to me in a sudden blow. I couldn't believe the impact it had done at such a short instant. Was I caring for her too much? 

I shook my head at the possibility, pulling a thick cloth as I walked to her again. I stood still for a while, gazing down her body, watching in disbelief at the sudden interest I found as I looked down at her kimono, watching it stick to her lithe frame. The rain had soaked her all right, and I find myself admiring the effects. I admit, she was beautiful despite her being a ferrygirl. 

I shook my head as I started to take off her obi, my fingers lacing around her waist as I tried removing each cloth. I draped the blanket I took from the other room around her, before I pulled the rest of her clothing away, voiding me of any view of whatever might be the source of the warmth that started to spread through my body. Damn, I hate it when such instincts bother me, especially whenever I try to do what I needed to. She was a part of Reikai, and I have to keep my guard around her. 

They're all the same. 

But only a fool would neglect the heated looks I'm giving her now. And yet, only a blind fool would neglect the fact that she was beautiful. Hell I hated myself. It was obvious. 

I wanted her. 

Much as I tried to restrain myself, my hand betrayed me as it started to creep up from the side of her waist, crawling up to her arm as my fingers laced around hers. I leaned to one side to let my other hand extend its way up to touch her face, my fingers tracing their way from her neck, up to her cheeks. They crawled up to her forehead, easing the slight crease on her brows, resting atop her closed lids, all the while as my other arm started its caress on her arms again. I leaned down to gaze at the innocent face, her skin smooth and soft beneath my touch. 

I shut my eyes as I tried once more to pull away, only to find my body deceiving me as I pulled her closer. I clenched one hand to a fist, battling whether or not I should knock my head on the wall or not. I shouldn't do this. I don't normally do this. Usually it's my men who do this mostly, and never have I tried, for I always find better things than take advantage of women. But she…this girl was…different. And as much as I try to regain my sanity, I take a sudden look at her and all thoughts of decency dies down. I wanted her. Badly. And this time, I have no attempt to stop myself anymore. 

I buried my face on her neck, finding myself in a fury of wild kisses, clutching the blanket that served as the barrier between us, almost ripping it apart at the sudden surge of lust inside me. I couldn't understand it, I never felt like this before. Nor have I even bothered to ask anybody. But now I couldn't think of anything but her, almost growling at the impatience and lack of satisfaction in what I was taking. She was everything I wanted, and yet I didn't know how I should act, how I should hold her. It was heaven and hell, clashed up in a mist of confusion that I had to stifle a yell for the vague pain that I felt. 

Nothing was helping me. 

I struck the stone wall beside the bed, feeling the blood trickle down as the sharp wedges pierced through my skin. I winced in pain, but I found this kind of pain more familiar than the other. I hated yet welcomed the new feeling, finding myself calming down as I stared coldly at the river of blood from the side of my palm. It was distracting me enough. 

But not for long. 

I was shocked as I heard a faint moan from her lips, her body shivering abruptly beneath me, causing me to want to hold her close again. But her next moan made me lift myself up, if not drive me further down the edge of sanity. My breathing was rapid and shallow, feeling the warmth creep up my face, drenching me with my own sweat as I longed for her once more. 

But I waited, as she fluttered her eyes to adjust them to her surroundings. Although I doubted that it helped, my lair was dark enough to blind her. Yet she must have felt me on top of her, as she gasped in obvious shock at that revelation. My eyes narrowed, placing my forefinger on her lips to cease any sign of protest. Not that she had any, she was merely staring back at me with those drowning pools of purple. And I found myself drowning all over again. 

I found myself caressing her cheeks, the sudden assault of this new openness had its hold tightly on me again. I stared into her eyes and allowed myself to lose my remaining sanity in her, allowing my mind the thoughts that I had long tried to suppress since the first time I've been with her here in my lair. And as suspected, I sank, deep into her warmth like a child seeking for shelter. 

She was a fool to welcome me. 

"You're bleeding," she whispered, finally breaking the silence that covered both of us as she cradled my hand in hers. Her touch was gentle and warm, and I found myself staring at her as she nursed my wound. I would've said something, but stopped at the sudden flash of memory the wound had given me. Suddenly, I felt uncomfortable. 

I quickly sat up and snatched my hand away, turning back from her as I recollected my thoughts. I don't know why I cared, but I couldn't look at her now. Not now, now that I was gravely sure I would come to dangerous heights for her. Hell, I would've taken her then and there if she only didn't wake up. I cursed myself for being careless, and cursed again at the sudden spark of hurt as I left her touch. I wanted to touch her again, and yet forbidden myself to do so in fear of losing myself. She hadn't completely had my trust yet. 

"Let me see," she said, her voice barely a whisper. I held my breath as she tenderly took my hand from me, holding it in a gentle caress, frowning later on at the damage I must have done to it. The feel of her fingers trailing down my hand was not left unignored as I felt my heart beat drumming its way out of my chest. "What did you do to yourself?" she asked me, looking up to glare into my eyes. "You should be a little more careful." 

I blinked at that. Was she scolding me? 

My eyes narrowed at her, but this time, I let my hand remain where it was. For some apparent reason, I found her touch…welcoming. I don't want to think about it, but I wanted us this way. At least, if not for the sudden burst of lust I felt for her just a few minutes ago, at least I'd find the satisfaction of having her touch me. But I wouldn't tell her that. I still kept my guard. "It's none of your business," I snapped at her, but my voice gave me away. It was almost…gentle. 

She smiled. Much to my surprise. Fuck what I said then, the voice completely opposed to whatever fury I tried to show on that remark. "I can take care of this if you want me to," she offered, fingering my wound, her smile still intact. When I didn't reply, she sighed and lifted her hand above mine, a faint glow emanating from her palms. A feeling of warmth and coolness mixed itself at that light, replacing the pain with a pleasing sensation that I couldn't help closing my eyes. I wasn't sure what she was doing, but I found myself not protesting. I was certainly not myself. I opened my eyes to find my wound gone, my hand good as it was before. My breath caught at that, abruptly shifting my gaze to look up at her. She shrugged. "It's nothing, just a little something given to us ferrygirls." 

I was right. She was a ferrygirl. And yet…I find her different from the others. All the others I've known all looked like petty demons themselves, playing with unsuspecting youkai's minds. I know their main task was to escort human souls to Reikai, but heaven knows what they do in their past time. Manipulative creatures. Was this what she's trying to do? 

I hate to think she was playing with me. For at the very instant that I found out about how I felt about her, I would never again welcome the thought of her being like all the others. I wanted to believe she was different. I wanted to believe her kindness was honest and true. I wanted to believe that she wouldn't cost me anything, to believe that she was a blessing. 

But all roses have their thorns. 

I looked away from her, as a sudden pain surged up my chest, almost suffocating me. I couldn't look at her, lest risk myself drowning at the depths of her gaze once again. I couldn't let her melt me just like this, I can't let her take off my guard by a mere gaze. 

But fate failed me again as I felt her hands coming up behind my back, crawling up to my shoulders. A muffled gasp escaped me as I felt her hand pulling me to face her, feeling her lips touch mine in a light, feathery touch that almost drove me to the edge. What was she doing? 

My hands came up to her wrist, pushing her away from me only to be met by a gentle struggle. She got out of my grip easily enough. She has made me weak at her earlier assault, as I found her coming closer to me to hold me in a light hug. She rested herself on my chest, her eyes crawling up to meet mine. My eyes narrowed at her, gripping her arms tightly that she winced in pain. But that, I ignored. "Are you sure about this?" I asked her, my voice coming out in a trembling croak. She didn't answer me, only slithering up to bury herself in my neck, feeling her lips caress my flesh. I shut my eyes at the torture I was giving to myself, trapping me in my own will to keep my guard. 

Hell.   
  
My mind raced, my heart jumped. I wanted her, I can't deny that. It will not be my fault if something happens to this girl. 

With that thought held in mind, I shifted all other doubts away and pulled her closer in a deep kiss. 

**End of chapter 3**   
  



	5. Chapter 4

**Destiny**

Standard disclaimers apply. Yu Yu Hakusho and all it's characters are not mine, I'm merely borrowing ^_^ Chapter done in Botan's point of view.   
  
**Chapter 4**

I sat up in a sudden jolt, clutching my chest in a wild attempt to catch my breath. It didn't help though, my heart kept pounding hard, as if trying to seek release from the confines from which it was trapped in. I felt my breathing tighten as beads of sweat ran down my temples, my knuckles pale as they clutched whatever material was accessible. I couldn't help the sudden outburst of pain and emotion that grew rapidly inside me. My isides felt cold, like everything was wrapped in a blanket of ice that kept me from moving. The pain was unbearable that I felt tears started to flow down my cheeks, their warmth contrasting to the coldness I felt. 

For fifteen years, I've held these dreams, these memories, far beyond my mind, seeing them as mere delusions of my existence. For fifteen years, I've hidden these dreams as a sheer shadow of a nightmare, haunting me during the nights as I lay myself in deep slumber. And yet, it's not exactly the experience that is entirely the nightmare. It was the pain of losing **him**, the pain of being left out in the cold while I waited for him to come. The feeling of loss. 

Years had passed, but it seemed like only yesterday when I found myself waiting on the very same place, a rendezvous we have silently settled upon each day since we have met. For hours, I had waited, hoping that he did not forget me, wishing to the heavens that fate still had given me a chance on happiness. But hours had turned into days, days turned into week, weeks into months and months into years. Until I could not wait any longer. But every striking instant that I happened to pass by the mysterious realm, I never neglected to look down and hoped to see a sign of a silver streak. His path. 

But it was only a while back since I had completely convinced myself that he had left me. I had convinced myself that I was but a mere pawn in his life, only but a tiny dot in his vast universe. I was stupid to might have hoped that he had actually cared. And yet, I couldn't find it in myself to forget him, to forget the heated gaze he would always give me whenever we get the chance to be together. I had trusted him deeply, for over the days that we had shared each other's company, he hadn't taken me, hadn't taken advantage of my trust. I would be a fool to ignore the lust that burned in his gaze, the heat obvious whenever we touch. And yet he would always turn back and say he had to go. 

No, he did not take me. 

I wasn't sure whether he truly cared for my status, or he was just playing, that he thought of me as just a young girl, too naïve of the true meaning of what our meetings had meant. Maybe I was just dreaming when I thought that whenever he would avoid me, it was because he needed the time to contemplate on what these feelings were. Or was I just avoiding the possibility that he only took me as a mere play? 

If so, why had he been so secretive? 

Why the sudden leave? 

Was **I** not good enough for **him**? 

I shook my head at the thoughts that started to whirl up my head, all the painful possibilities, all the dreaded memories that only made me miss him more. I couldn't deny the feelings I've felt. We have only met for a few days, lasted only a few weeks, I didn't even know his name. And yet, I found him intriguing, his gaze I found magnetic, pulling me in a deep trance. His voice would always drive me to oblivion, his touch burning heated scars in my skin. Years have gone by, and yet I still remember everything. 

And it was painful. 

For that brief time that I have found serenity in his arms, I knew I was in love. 

* * *

"Botan?" 

Utter stupidity! Just the night before I found myself in a trance of nostalgic memories, and now I'm here in front of another man, completely void of any other except that his eyes were now burying themselves against mine. And I can't help feeling the blush that would always creep up my cheeks whenever he sets his lovely eyes on me, setting me instantly in a fury of emotions that I couldn't keep up with all of them. 

Although, I wasn't sure about myself. He was good looking, I give you that, but I doubted whether or not these feelings were the same as I have felt the night before. 

_It's the same, stupid._

I winced at that voice in my head, a constant sermon about me being a fool to even try to think about these feelings. But at times I find its remarks mind-shattering, my head acknowledging the constant snaps, for there was one remark I can hardly forget. A remark on why I kept finding myself drowning in his eyes. 

_Because they both have the same piercing gaze._

"Botan."   
  
His voice was firm, standing out. That second call had cut through my thoughts well enough. I looked up at him, my brows arched in question at the address. 

His own brows furrowed, leaning against his long, slender arms as he stared down at me. "You were going to ask me something?" he reminded me, his emerald eyes slicing deep into my own. And suddenly, I found myself breathless. Again. 

_See? I told you. The same, ne?_

"Shut up," I muttered in a low voice. He frowned even further at that careless remark. I quickly shook my head at him. That remark was not intended to be heard. "Anou…a few days ago…you said something about talking to me?" my voice trembled slightly at the slight awkwardness between us. Up until now, I couldn't find myself to look up directly into his eyes. Not longer than a few measly seconds. I'm butter in his gaze, and I know I had to stay away from it unless I want to lose to him. 

Suddenly, the light in his eyes died down as he leaned back against his seat. "Oh," was all he said, suddenly finding the straw in drink interesting, fumbling around with the tip and kept on staring at it. 

Silence covered us both, neither wanting to look at the other. I've caught tiny glimpses of him in the corner of my eyes, but he seemed too much into his own world to even notice me looking. I waited for him to reply, but none came. It was only when the silence started to bother me when I tried to ask again. "Uhm…Kurama?" 

"Not now," he sighed finally, shaking his head. He paused for a second, looking up at me slowly with a small smile. "You do understand, don't you?" 

_No._

"I suppose." 

_ That was a lie._

Shut up! 

His smile widened, his eyes returning to that familiar sparkle. "So, is that all?" he asked, easing himself further into his seat. 

I sighed. "I guess so," I told him, looking down at my hands as they fumbled violently at the tissue paper I held between them. Why was I so nervous around him? Why can't I just act naturally like I do with all the others? 

Another awkward silence. 

I awaited further words from him rather impatiently, but kept my calm as anxiety flowed through me. I felt my body warm and cold all at the same time as I watched him stare outside the glass windows. "Botan?" I drew a sharp intake of breath when he called me, my name but a simple note in the beauty of his voice. 

Much as I found myself unable to move at the sudden spell he had cast, I found my strength to look at him. I cleared my throat of whatever lump that was placed there whenever he looks at me, willing myself to respond. "Yes?" 

"Will you be there watching us during the tournament?" he asked. 

I cleared my mind of any other thoughts. Or at least I tried. "I think so, I'll be asking Koenma-sama if I can," I replied. 

That seemed to have brought him a smile. I think. "You'll be rooting for us, won't you?" 

I smiled. Despite the uneasiness, I still can find comfort in those heart-melting smiles he'd give, getting me lost in a fury of emotions. 

_Like the time you smiled at **him.**_**__**

Yes...like that time we first met. The time even his misty glare brought me a smile. The time when he looked at me in confusion... 

...And gave me his own smile. 

"I promise." 

With that final remark, he nodded his head and said goodbye. I couldn't tell him I wouldn't be able to watch the first part of the battle because I have things to do, but I wasn't sure it would make a difference. I didn't even know if he really cared. I sighed, slipping out of the booth, my knees weak from all the trembling. He makes me remember him so clearly. Now that I've thought I've gotten over the loss, why did the memory had to come back? Why does the pain have to come back? Why...is it another false hope that fate would give me? Another false hope on love again? I woudn't take it...I'm still in love with him. 

**End of chapter 4**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter 5

**Destiny**

Standard disclaimers apply. Yu Yu Hakusho and all it's characters are not mine, I'm merely borrowing ^_^ Drats, this is the revised version, I forgot that Yusuke was NOT in this part of the tournament *bumps her head on the wall repeatedly* Baka, baka, baka…this is what I get from basing a fanfic on the series...but I changed it already ^-^ Chapter done in Kurama's point of view. 

**Chapter 5**

The pain in my arm was sudden. 

"Oi, Kurama! What the **hell** are you doing!? Don't doze off now!" 

Kazuma's insistent voice woke me up from my trance, forcing me to straighten myself. His voice had rung me back to reality as I winced at the pain that started to spread through my arm as my hand automatically seized my arm to stop the bleeding. I looked down to see my own blood clinging to my clothes, the wound just as raw as the pain it had caused. I cursed under my breath at my own carelessness, glaring at my opponent's eyes as I dodged another assault. I stole a careful glance at my team, casting up a hand to let them know I was all right. 

The tournament has begun. 

The battles I have been through were tolerable enough, and I have only used up a few of my spiritual energy on them. Most of my opponents were defeated in battles of wits, and they have been easy enough for me, and Yusuke was practicing his powers with Genkai somewhere at the moment. But even through my worse battles, all the while I kept finding myself scanning the audience, even the team's side, of a single glimpse of blue that might brighten up my hopes of winning. 

Explains the careless hits I get. 

A frown suddenly creased my face. I was convinced she wasn't in the stadium, I have looked at almost every single seat there is in this place, but not a single glimpse of her was present. My frown never left me as I willed myself to just concentrate on the fight, my body responding on reflexes solely for my mind is always elsewhere. My opponent had started saying things that I could hardly understand, my mind all clouded in a mist of confusion and disappointment. 

"Kurama, watch out!" 

I woke up in a start, over and over cursing myself as I realized that I must've lost myself yet again. I glanced at Kazuma's worried face, as I felt cold and moist air envelope me, trapping me in a cloud of smoke. The mist started to climb up around me, blocking my view of my surroundings. All I could see was the misty blue of the cold fog. I backed away, concentrating on where my opponent was, willing my mind to stop thinking about **her** for sometime and at least give me the aid to live. 

"This is a technique that makes an enemy younger," the small, mischievous voice that I recognized as my opponent's spoke beneath the mist. I looked around, trying to find a single sign of him or his weapon, standing my guard as a watched the clouds swirling around me. "I shall wait for it to take effect, and then I'll find myself battling a little baby," his laughter roared inside my head, deafening me. 

I tried covering my ears, only to find myself void of the usual long hair that I possessed. I gasped silently, staring down at my hands. 

My **small** hands. 

My eyes widened, my voice getting caught up n my throat. Could it be? I stared down at my own body, feeling my senses tingle at the sudden change in physical features. I gritted my teeth as I contemplated on what he had just said. 

_ A technique that makes the enemy younger…_

No…if this goes on, I might as well be dead. If I continue this battle as a child, I'm afraid I might… 

I shut my eyes as the continuous chill swelled inside my skin, making me tremble slightly. I supposed I was a mere infant by then as I found myself weak and unable to stand. I winced, cursing my luck as I waited for the attack that was sure to come. But even as a child I could still feel the cold sting of the mist surrounding me, engulfing me in a cloud of ice. 

My head began to throb, the painful beating seemingly crushing my head. I started to grow again, from a small child to another…being. My eyes widened as my strength started to flood back to me, even more than I first had before the battle. I looked down at my hands, my body, only to find myself looking down at the all-familiar paleness that had been me. That was me…fifteen years before. 

I closed my eyes as I permit myself to change again, the fear and worry all forgotten as I awaited the spell to cease. My confidence started to go up again, my heart lessening its fearful attempt to pump blood on my pale skin. I smirked as streaks of silver started to block my sight, my ears transforming back to that familiar youkai ones on my head. My eyes settled on the mist with a renowned buoyancy. 

Only to remember something else. 

My eyes snapped open as dread started to flow through my veins, blocking the sudden hope of victory. It was clear to me that I have come back to my old self, the youko that I once was. The youko that had been the source of my nightmares every night. The being that had always left me hungry to hold the one I had tried to escape years and years before. The sudden fear of realization as I might be able to come back to that past. To have that kind of danger again. 

The girl… 

…No, she mustn't see me like this. I wouldn't let her. 

I gritted my teeth as I watched the clouds start to part. The expected gasp came from the crowd, with the same thing from my opponent. Pure horror had started to spread through him, his skin paler than that of a ghost. He backed away from me, clutching his rod tighter in his fist. "W-Was it…too much?" he whispered, glancing at their supposed to be leader. The man merely shrugged and looked away, leaving his teammate clueless and afraid. 

I frowned, pity filling my mind. I had to make this quick if ever I plan to defeat this man. To spare him the pain, and to spare me the trouble. I had to change back to my own self. The risk of struggling through the questions to come might not be tolerable for me. I could only wish that she hasn't seen me yet. 

After a few taunting words for fear, much needed for later battles, I tried to finish the match in haste. I was free to roam my eyes on the audience now, rest assured that I would win. The young man was no match to my skills, as proven by the cuts and bruises I had just inflicted on him and my body that had been left unharmed. But dread started to flow through me as the match neared its end. 

My enemy was down. 

Even before the referee could announce the winner, I ran to our side of the ring and grabbed Kazuma by the shoulder, cutting off his obvious cheers. My intent gaze must've silenced Hiei as well as I was left to panic on my own. But that was hardly the thought that had been on my mind. "Where's Botan?" I asked, almost desperately. 

I was met with a startled gaze, Kazuma's eyes widened at the sudden question. And must've been the touch of a stranger. I was in my youkai form after all. I growled, having to shake him frantically before he jumps out of his trance. "K-Kurama!? W-What? What did you say? Hiei said you were…" 

"Where's Botan?" I asked again, cutting off his statement. 

He started to look around. "Botan? I think she's not here, probably had something to do," he replied. A short pause went on between us, only to be interrupted by Kazuma's sly grin. "Why?" he asked, almost teasingly. 

Like he understands what's going on. 

"Nevermind," I said, turning away from all of them as I headed for our quarters. 

"Oi, where are you going? We're not allowed to leave unless the whole match is over!" 

I ignored that last remark completely, heightening my steps into long ones as I ran through the hall towards our room. I reached the bolted door, almost kicking it open and shut myself inside. I tried to catch my breath as I leaned back against the steel door, clutching my head as I slid down the ground. The chill of the door was only adding up to my dread as I felt my blood freeze in the sudden bursts of anxiety. 

Please…to whatever god that may be out there…let her not see me. 

== 

"I still don't get why you were so worried that she might see you," Kazuma said as we walked side by side. 

Suzuki, a member of one of the teams we've defeated before, had asked us to meet him before our final battle begins. We're down to the final team we're supposed to defeat, and that is the team that we're appointed to battle in the first place. Yusuke had come back to fight with us by then, and I suppose we're all ready to face our matches. I admit, we were doing pretty well. 

"Forget about it, Kazuma," I said. He had been asking me the same thing over and over since that day, but I doubt I'd actually answer his question. I just wished he'd understand. 

Kazuma and I stopped abruptly at the sight of blonde hair. The man's back was in front of us, as if oblivious of our presence. 

"Oi, Suzuki!" 

Suzuki turned back at Kazuma's call, the sudden bolt of recognition spreading through his eyes. "There you are," he said, pacing up in front of us. His hands, that were primarily hidden behind him was presented to us. We were faced with a sword's hilt and a bottle of purple liquid. A frown creased our faces as we stared blankly at Suzuki. He sighed, handing it to us further. "I want you to have these." 

== 

I stared down the small bottle that I had received as I walked back to our resting room. I had left Kuwabara behind, since he had said that he would want to try out the sword for himself. These…gifts from Suzuki, were given to me and Kuwabara especially to aid us in our battles. Suzuki had said that he wanted to help, that he would do anything to see the Toguro team defeated. I wasn't sure why, but I left that thought out as I listened closely to what he told us. 

The sword was the one Wakamaru had used in his battle with Genkai, a sword that uses the owner's ki to provide the blade. This was given to Kuwabara, in aid to his Reiken. As for me, I was given the same substance that was used in my battle with Urashima, the one that made me turn back to my old self. 

My brows furrowed at the thought. I remembered the feeling of dread that I had felt at that time, as I risked my identity to be known. I remembered the anxiety and fear that I felt to find out that she might be out there, the fear of what she might say. 

And the fear of the possibility that she has forgotten. 

And with that in mind, I doubted I'd use that form again. I was only thankful to find out that she hadn't known about it just yet, and I asked the others to refrain from telling it to her. I didn't want her to know. Never would I let her know again. 

Never will I endanger her again. 

Much as I had missed her, it's better that she forget. But I doubt that I would accept it coming straight from her. I'd rather have my silence as the Kurama she knows, and not the youkai who had once been her mysterious lover. It was a risk that I had been a fool for taking, a risk that had blinded us both with the dangers it might cause. 

The unnecessary dangers it might cause. 

I sighed as I neared our quarters, suddenly feeling weak and miserable. But I knew some things are needed to be sacrificed. I'd be content to watch her from afar. 

I was only a few steps more before I near our room, but I was stopped by two members of the Toguro team, a man with the dark, ebony hair and dark clothing and a larger one equipped in armor. I banished every thought I had as I caught my breath, a chill suddenly working up on my spine. I am now faced with the man whose battle I had been watching a few days ago. As I recall, this is the same man who had defeated his opponent with only a single touch, inflicting a fatal explosion with the mere flick of his finger. My brows furrowed as I stepped back, eyeing the one in black particularly. 

"So…you're Kurama," the one in black said, straightening his posture and started to walk towards me. I hid a disdainful grunt as he neared my side, circling around me like a was a statue to be inspected. I stood still, refrained from any sort of movement as to not risk myself getting hurt with whatever assault I might face. "I'll be fighting with you in a couple of days, ne?" he asked, his eyes piecing through my own. 

"Karasu, hurry it up," the other man said, looking around the vicinity. I remembered, fighters were not allowed to go to their opposing team's quarters unless the fights were over, lest they risk the chance of getting disqualified. 

The man in armor was met by a scornful grunt. "Just a second, Bui," he said, touching my back up to play with a few locks of my hair. I held my breath at the possible attack, but was merely met by a sly grin. "I'll be looking forward to our battle, Kurama." 

I followed them with my gaze as they started to walk away, my fists trembling at my side. I tried moving my hands, clenching them in a fist. I watched silently as they disappeared from view, but not before I could catch a glimpse of Karasu raising his right hand. I watched closely as he held his open hand in a fist, all the while dreading what would come in next. 

The explosion was silent. 

I winced at the sudden burst of pain on my shoulder, finding it bleeding all of a sudden. I clutched it tightly in my hand as I tried to stop the blood from flowing any further. I shut my eyes and dragged myself to our room, repeatedly fearing the sudden recollection that started to spread in my head. No matter what excuse... 

I couldn't defeat him in this form. 

**End of chapter 5**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 6

**Destiny**

Standard disclaimers apply. Yu Yu Hakusho and all it's characters are not mine, I'm merely borrowing ^_^ Chapter done in Botan's point of view. I've rewritten this chapter about five times, I just can't seem to get it right!!! *teary eyes* Lord, thank you for letting me finish this chapter!!! *hearts popping out*   
  
**Chapter 6**

"Nani?" 

I looked at Koenma-sama with obvious shock, feeling my eyes practically bulge out of their sockets. I have been called from my daily duties to come by Koenma-sama's office. I've stopped abruptly, my steps retreating from the files room to head towards the doors of his office, greeting him with my usual smile. It had been a constant routine, I've learned long before to refrain from testing Koenma-sama's patience. With that said, I suppose it explains why I would always try to obey his orders, he may be easy-going at times as other ferry girls knew him, but he wouldn't be the type one would want to anger. But right now, as he faced me here, asking me to miss the very thing I've been constantly obsessing about for the past weeks, I wouldn't even bother to restrain myself. I was completely convinced he had gone mad. 

But my surprised gaze was only met by a leveled stare, his brown eyes settling upon mine unflinchingly. I frowned, shifting my hands to my waist as I glared at him. It's very seldom that he and I argue, mostly because there isn't much to seriously argue about, but I guess I've been to engrossed with my tantei jobs that I had been too attached to Yusuke and the others. And to see them fight their final battles, that is too much of a treasure to miss. 

The staring game abruptly ended with Koenma-sama's sigh. "Botan, I'll be very busy on that day and I can't attend to you while I'm there. It would be safer, and not to mention productive, that you stay in here and help out on whatever assignment otousama gives us." He had said it with such easiness and indifference, as if it didn't matter. He had definitely gone mad! I wanted to go over there and knock some sense into Koenma-sama's head. This is the tournament, the finals for goodness sakes, and he expects me to be the good girl and stay in here and help? Did he actually think I'm that easy? 

"Koenma-sama, I don't want to stay in here!" I argued, my fists tightening beside me as patience died down from my nerves. I had always waited for the finals to come, for I've missed so much of the tournament because of the constant assignments that have been passed on to me. I've made past arguments about missing those fights before, but I had let myself lose some once I find a reasonable excuse. But just because Koenma-sama has something else to do, that isn't much of a reasonable excuse at all. I can take care of myself, I'm not a child. 

"Botan, do understand, I cannot attend to you on that day and…" he seemed to drift away from what he had intended to say, his brows creasing, as if he had something deep to think about. I waited for him to say what he wanted to, wanting to hear why he thinks I should stay here. My frown hardened even more as he closed his eyes and shook his head. "Botan, fourteen or fifteen years before, how long were you lost in Makai?" 

My frown left my face, replaced by another surprised expression. But it didn't seem like Koenma-sama's joking, or was trying to change the topic. Something about his eyes told me he had a lot in mind. And I didn't dare ask. "A week." I simply stated. I was once lost in Makai, a few years from now. I was on my way back from an assignment that was given to me when a violent wind came knocking me off my oar. I was so afraid, afraid of the upcoming dangers that the Makai imposes on alien people that ever dared to take a step on its territories. And sure enough...I've met my own encounters. 

Koenma-sama nodded his head. He's too serious, usually I'd see him as someone lively and comical, almost taking everything as a joke. But now…he doesn't seem like the Koenma-sama I knew. I was about to ask him if something was wrong when he spoke, cutting me off in mid attempt. "During your stay there…how did you survive? How come nobody tried to kill you?" he asked, eyeing me with a determined look that kept me glued to the ground. It almost scared me, it was like one of those trials Reikai presented on criminals. But I didn't do anything. Unless… "Did you meet somebody?" 

The question caught me off-guard, I couldn't help the gasp that came through my lips. I felt Koenma-sama's eyes narrow at me as he repeated his question, his brows mockingly rising as if he didn't know anything. And how I wished he didn't. How much I prayed to the heavens that was just merely asking. But the look in his eyes told me that the possibility was vague. I sighed, hesitating whether or not I should reply. But as I sneaked up a look at those eyes, I knew for certain that an answer was required. "A-anou…a youkai…" 

"A male, youkai kitsune, am I right?" he stated, causing my eyes to fly towards his in an even more shocked state. 

I felt my heart beating mercilessly inside my chest, my fists clenching the obi of my kimono. "H-hai…how did you know?" I dared ask, all the while wondering yet dreading for the answer.   
  
Koenma-sama turned away, but not before I caught the blaze in his eyes. "You will -not- go to the tournament," he affirmed, completely turning his back to me. He didn't answer my question, nor did he show any signs that he planned to. Before I could protest again, he raised his hand in a swift gesture, silencing me. "You're dismissed." 

I was stunned. I hardly noticed my retreating steps, probably a reflex from the alien attitude that Koenma-sama had just shown. I sighed as I reached the end of the corridor, feeling my heart beat slowing as I tried to catch my breath. 

_ A male, youkai kitsune…_

How did he know? When had he found out? That statement…I couldn't lie to him when he asked me, his eyes held a certain affirmation to his own statement, I knew he knows enough to put me under his supervising eyes. But I couldn't understand. How did he know? If he had known this since the beginning, he should've mentioned something. Koenma-sama's not the kind who keeps things for too long. And it had been fifteen years. 

"Botan-chan!!!" 

I looked up from my reverie to the running form of another ferrygirl. It was Inu-chan. I watched as she smiled wider as she saw my recognition of her, running a bit faster to reach me. She stood in front of me for a second, catching her breath. I waited, and fell slightly aback as she laid her hands upon my shoulders, her eyes filled with excitement and murder. I stood there confused, feeling a sweatdrop run down my head. It was always like this when the ferry girls find someone to lie their eyes upon. "Botan-chan! You work for the Reikai tantei group right now, ne?" 

I knew it. 

I slowly nodded my head at her, all the while keeping a confused smile on my face. "H-hai, daijoubu ka, Inu-chan?" I asked, trying to balance us both on my two feet. She was leaning so close, and she was grinning too widely, almost as if she was in a trance, I doubt she'd even notice if she hit herself on the head. Or if she noticed that she was depending on me to stand upright at all. 

"Botan-chan, who's the tantei with the gorgeous red hair and mysterious green eyes?" she asked suddenly, causing me to blink. 

Red hair? Green eyes? 

I felt the constant electricity that ran through me just by the thought of those features. I tried shaking myself from it, I already told myself that I will never allow such personal intrusion anymore. I've learned my lesson, I will never be hurt again. What I feel for Kurama…it's another girlish infatuation and nothing more. I felt my heart die down, feeling a sudden ache in my chest as I let my mind and memory take over my emotions. But I knew it's for the best. 

I must've zoned out for the next thing I realized was Inu-chan's hands waving frantically in front of me. "Oi, are you sleeping there? I asked you a question, Botan-chan. Come one, don't be selfish, who is he? The whole group wants to know!" 

I blinked. "Whole group?" 

Inu-can grinned and pointed to a nearby path in the corridors. Sure enough, about a dozen other ferry girls were there. I couldn't make out all of them, there wasn't sufficient light for that, but I know I recognized their voices and their little squirms and sighs. The whole scene made me laugh. 

Inu-chan frowned and knocked on my head. "Oi! His name, please?" she asked, her voice filled with frustrated anxiety. I sweatdropped. I couldn't imagine what these girls were talking about him. 

I stumbled back as I felt Inu-chan's grasp lighten a bit, feeling the relief from my aching shoulders. I looked at her, then to the other ferry girls, all of them giving me anxious, yet waiting looks as if I held the most important knowledge in the whole world. And from their view, I probably am. "Oh, uhm…Kurama. His name is Shuuichi Minamino in Ningenkai, but he's called Kurama by the other tantei." 

An expected amount of sighs and squeals erupted in the air as the girls deliberately fell back against the wall with excited murmurs and giggles. The scene was truly pathetic, they were like a bunch of lovesick fans if I was asked. 

_ Like you haven't done what they're doing. You're doing that almost every night when you're alone._

Was it me or did that inner voice just laughed? I shook my head, mentally kicking it as I watched the girls' retreating back. It wasn't until they were a few meters away did I remember the question that had been built at the tip of my tongue. "M-matte! Chotto matte yo, Inu-chan!" 

Inu-chan turned around to give me a questioning look. "Hm? Daijoubu, Botan-chan? You seem a little pale. Did Koenma-sama hurt you?" she asked. That last part was a joke, the ferry girls have this certain thing about teasing Koenma-sama. I never really joined them most of the time. But I guess she was half right when she asked that. Although I wouldn't exactly ruin Koenma-sama in front of them all. 

I shook my head. "Iie…uhm, how did you know him?" I asked. 

Inu-chan looked at me blankly for a moment until a spark of understanding hit her. "Oh! Kurama-sempai?" she asked. I didn't ask when she started calling him that, but that's hardly what was on my mind. I nodded. "He was here a moment ago!" she practically squealed, and fought hard not to cover my ears. 

Until understanding dawned on me. "He was here? When?!" I couldn't hide the anticipation in my voice as I clutched Inu-chan's wrist. Kurama was here? Why? 

Inu-chan grinned at me. "Interested?" she asked with a mocking voice, her eyes giving off a spark of mischief. But she abruptly ended her teases when I glared at her. "Okay fine, you're in a bad mood aren't you? Yep, Koenma-sama must've done something. Anyway, sempai came and talked to Koenma-sama, that's it, we weren't able to hear anything. Why the hell does Reikai have to have thick doors anyway?" 

Inu-chan and the other girls talked continuously about Kurama, but I could hardly understand what they were saying. He came. He actually came! Not that he haven't done so before, but something about his arrival then made my heart skip a bit. Whether it was from that infatuation thing or something else, it made me nervous. I couldn't understand it. I wanted to go back to that office and ask Koenma-sama himself. 

Now you're being like these girls here. 

Shut up! 

I sighed. I was driving myself mad. The continuous flow of questions kept flooding my mind. Why was he here? What was his purpose? Did it have anything to do with Koenma-sama's sudden order? 

I winced at that last one. It didn't fit at all. I frowned as I turned my back from the girls, my head suddenly throbbing. I paused briefly in front of Koenma-sama's door, feeling my pulse quicken. How did he know? Am I in trouble? 

Just as I was lifting my feet to move on, the door suddenly came open. It was Koenma-sama. 

"Botan." he called, his arms folded seriously on his chest. I raised my brows to him in question, waiting for him to speak. His brows furrowed slightly, his fist clenching. "I changed my mind. You **will** go to the tournament."   


  
  
  
  
  
  


  


  


  
  



	8. Chapter 7

**Destiny**

Standard disclaimers apply. Due to my constant worrying that a misunderstanding might occur, no, Koenma and Botan are not in a relationship, I'm afraid that I might've wrote a too much out of character Koenma that it might get misunderstood. Oi, do appreciate my cowering attempt to watch this stupid battle, I hate this so much I actually got physically sick because of this. Minna, I'm pathetic, I know ^-^ That's all, hope you enjoy reading! Chapter done in Kurama's point of view. 

**Chapter 7**

I looked around to see if anybody was there. The dark hallways and the creeping silence convinced me that I was alone, the room void of any other presence but mine. I eyed the bottle warily, watching the purple liquid swirling in a cloudy mist. I sighed, pulling the top off to take the pointed cover, dipping it slightly on the surface of the purple pool. I held it up above my lips as I opened my mouth to let the drop in. 

Suzuki. 

I never saw him since then, I figured he must've gone on his way. Kuwabara and I never talked about him either, or maybe I guess Kuwabara was too busy practicing with his sword to even think about anything else. I wasn't able to find out why he had given these to us, whether it may be of ill intentions or not. But I suppose we'll be needing all the help we could get by now. 

Karasu. 

I don't know why, but something about him seems to draw me to him. Eversince that encounter near our team's room, he and Bui never bothered me again. But his strength and power will always be tainted in my mind. I glanced at my shoulder, eyeing the bandage, thinking about the wound that the bomb had caused. I knew it wasn't even half of what he could do, and the mere thought just added to my dread. I wasn't even able to sense it. 

I frowned as I sat down the cold floor, my mind filled with too many questions and anxiety to even think about how I must've looked. I touched the bandage lightly before pulling on the loose end. I took it off, discarding the soiled cloth beside me and gazed down the wound. It had healed already, with only a light scar to cover it. I sighed and closed my eyes, willing my mind to just take a rest and disregard all further thoughts. 

But there was another thought that kept me insanely bothered, the one thing that I thought I should've forgotten after all these years. I took a deep breath, feeling the ghostly presence of her memory spread in my head, willing my mind to accept the temporary presence of her eyes, accepting the electricity and heat of emotions as I remembered her touch. I let myself remember the softness of her hair, the sweetness of her smile. 

But it was all too much. 

I snapped my eyes open, feeling a bead of sweat run down my temples. I never allowed myself to think about her before this, keeping myself busy just to be able to forget about her. But she never left me. I saw myself on those sleepless nights. Cold, lonely nights when her face would just appear out of nowhere, her smile seemingly present just to mock me. But it wasn't until now have I realized why I kept dreading her presence. 

I was in love with her. 

I was in love the very first time I looked at her seriously, in love by the very first smile that she had given. Her eyes, formerly filled with fear and remorse just seemed to fade away when I walked to her, filling those gorgeous pools with a strange and intense gaze that had kept me bound to my feet. What I felt for her, it was very much unlike those that I had ever experienced. I admit, lust was not an alien feeling to me, it was a sinful world after all. But something about her, that thing that draw me to her…what I felt was not at all lust. I never even dared go far with her, wanting every moment to be cherished and felt. 

And to be remembered. 

Only now did I regret I ever carved her in my mind. It seems as though I had made a mistake of even trying to help her. From that very first time I heard her scream, it was like a personal call to me. I should've trusted myself to stop meeting her, to stop the torturous attempts to hide myself from her. To stop myself from ever touching her, from ever looking at her. 

To stop myself from falling for her. 

I shut my eyes closed, hitting the back of my head on the cold wall. It was cold, reminding me of those nights when I ached for her presence. But I guess I'd never have the chance to be with her again. I will always try to hide behind the mask of Shuuichi Minamino to cover myself from her. I wasn't even sure if she remembered me. That was why I wanted to talk to her, to ask an indirect question about her experience in Makai. That was all I ever want, to know that she still remembered. Much as I would avoid her presence now, all I really need is to know she still knew me, that she hasn't forgotten. 

Selfish indeed. 

I'm not sure if what I'm doing is for the best, I almost wished it wasn't. I wanted to be with her, to always be by her side, without the worries and painful possibilities to force me to hide from her. I wanted her to know me. But she was too pure, too innocent for me to stain, her skin too much like an angel's to be touched by the hands of a demon such as mine. I figured I'll just have to live in her memory now, never allowing myself to even get a chance to touch. For a mere touch may just send me falling for her again. A thief is not capable of loving, void of any emotions that may be a nuisance to his being a bandit. But she broke that oath, cutting through me like a hot knife. 

And I was an idiot to let her in. 

"Kurama, where are you?" Kuwabara's yells suddenly woke me from my thoughts, his voice muffled by the distance that was between us. I shook my head to wake myself up completely. I stood up, fixing myself up as I waited for him to come. "Kurama, the tournament's about to start!" 

"Hai, in here, Kuwabara-kun," I responded, facing the curve in the hallway from which Kuwabara was supposed to appeared. He came after a few seconds, frowning at me before he led me down the halls. 

The finals is about to start. 

"You two, wait a second!" Kuwabara and I looked around to see Koenma walking behind us, his usual childish form replaced by a more mature feature. Except he still had the pacifier. 

"Oi, look good in the pacifier there, heh heh," Kuwabara teased, causing a glare from the Reikai prince. 

I eyed Koenma curiously, willing him to look at me. I had asked a favor from him, to keep Botan from coming to the tournament. I had come to Reikai directly to ask him the personal favor. He hesitantly refused, asking why I had asked such a bizarre request. I was forced to tell him a bit of the story, forced to tell him about Botan and a youkai kitsune she once knew. I wasn't sure if he gave me his word, but I had hoped that he had heeded my request. It was a matter of life and death to me now. Botan is better off thinking that her lover was dead. 

But it seems as though he was avoiding my gaze. I frowned, all the while keeping my steps intact. We reached the ring soon after, the announcer declaring that Koenma and Sakyo would be fifth players on both teams. 

The first battle began, and sure enough, I was faced to face with Karasu. I eyed him warily, both of us still on the first seconds of the battle. The whole stadium's noisy cries were left ignored, with only eyes as sharp as the sharpest blade piercing through the other's. I clenched my fists. 

He grinned. "So you came after all, eh Kurama?" 

I ignored him, taking a step back as I did the first move. I materialized a rose from my hair, its petals flying around me in random patterns. It was supposed to be a diversion in the battle as I wait for my youkai form to appear again. It was a risk I'm going to take, to keep myself alive and to give my team a chance of winning. I had promised Yusuke that I would do my all, and I have no intention of breaking my word. I just hoped she wasn't here. 

"Do you actually think these things would keep me from you?" Karasu asked, his steps taunting me as he came closer. My eyes narrowed as he raised his hands, abruptly followed by the rose petals exploding in mid air. I stifled a cursed breath, stepping away from him as far as possible. Only to meet up with his first attack. 

My cry wasn't ignored as I heard Yusuke's worried yell. "Kurama, watch out!" he shouted, his wide eyes filled with worry as I sneaked up a glance at him. I turned my head to glare at my opponent, all the while dodging his attacks. He had nails as sharp as pointed needles, it was as if his hands were made as claws. I hid a curse behind my throat, trusting my reflexes to just avoid the attacks. 

I should've changed by now! 

But that thought was left swiftly after I felt another explosion on my leg. If I hadn't known better, Yusuke was practically gritting his teeth. It was obvious that my human form was no opponent to Karasu, I was as a pathetic as a mouse against a tiger. But I tried to stand up, ignoring the sharp pain that started to run up my leg as I tried to stand on both feet. But it wasn't over yet. Just as I had stood up straight, another bomb exploded on my shoulder, causing me to gasp out in pain. 

And then there was another. And another. 

The next thing I knew, I was on the ground, crouching weakly as I attempted to stay up lest I wanted to lose. Karasu's mocking never ceased as he appointed new bombs, showing them to me as he added more intensity. Explosions seem to cloud upon me as he kept on talking, and I felt even weaker as I felt my strength start to drain. 

Behind all the smoke that the bombs emitted, another kind of mist started to circle me. It was the potion, it was working. I felt the familiar coldness that started to run through me, feeling my body change behind the distraction of the clouds. 

I heard the announcer's anxious voice as she started to say things about my former battle with Uraurashima, her voice questioning the possibility of another change. The clouds started to part, and the expected gasp came from the crowd as I stepped out. 

Let her not be here. 

I stole a glance towards Koenma, my eyes delving through his in an attempt to find an answer. His eyes widened. He wasn't dumb, he must've realized the connection of the story and my request. But it was until a few seconds later did he looked at me indifferently until he shifted his gaze to Yusuke who was already asking questions. I frowned. Somehow, I wasn't sure if Koenma even bothered to give me his word. 

The battle was fair now, I produced plants as Karasu did his bombs. It was uncertain who would win, but it was for sure that I stood a chance. But still, I couldn't help feeling the dread that started to flow through me, the sudden insecurity as I fought through this battle. It was as if I had made a mistake. 

It was as if she was here. 

The battle was almost coming to an end as I watched my plants appear to devour Karasu. But I wouldn't want to enjoy the victory until I was sure she wasn't here. I stood still for a moment, then quickly turned my back to walk away from the ring. I needed to change, I didn't feel well being in my youkai form. I felt like I wanted to hide. 

But the referee's voice stopped me in my tracks, as I watched in mild surprise as my plants started to explode. Karasu limply fell on his feet, glaring at me through his eyes. His mask had fallen off when he was grasped by my plant, and his grin was now obvious without it. He started to take deep breaths, and I watched as his hair color changed into the dark black ones to a light blonde. He had looked even twice as demonic as he had been. 

We started the battle again, my head throbbing from the distant thoughts that had started to form. I felt weak, and I felt devastated from everything. All I ever wanted was to get out of there and let everything out. 

It wasn't until another attack that he had made caused me to slam into the fence that separated the ring from the audience. Sharp pains started to course through my body, feeling the heavy pieces of rubble cover me too hardly that I found it hard to breathe. I felt my strength draining, as if sharp needles started to prick through my skin. 

I took a deep breath at that revelation. I was changing back. I shut my eyes as I willed the pain to go away, the old, familiar sensations coursing through me and filling my whole body. I didn't know if I could still stand up, and I was running out of time. They're going to declare Karasu the victor if I stayed in here. 

But right now, I wasn't sure if I even cared. 

"Kurama! What the hell do you think you're doing? I know you're alive, stand up!" 

My eyes snapped open at that call. That voice…that very voice that had haunted me in my sleep. I muttered a muffled curse and willed my body to take all the strength I might have to push the heavy pieces of debris away from me. I tried standing up, clutching the wound in my arm that had started to throb all over again. 

But it wasn't that pain that had my attention now. As I stood up, I gazed up to see her beautiful eyes down on me, those mystical orbs filled with tears as she smiled at me. There wasn't any sign of anger or sorrow. Just happiness. 

She was happy that I was alive. And I couldn't help but feel a similar kind of happiness with that. 

Her smile widened, blinking back the tears that had started to flow down her cheeks. "Ganbatte yo, Kurama-kun!" 

**End of chapter 7**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter 8

**Destiny**

Standard disclaimers apply. Ooooohh…it's turning heated and confusing for me now ^-^ Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I really appreciate it, you guys keep me sane ^_^ Chapter done in Botan's point of view. 

**Chapter 8**

I couldn't help the sharp intake of breath as I first saw him, feeling my heart tense and stop its maddening beats. I felt my body grow numb and cold, the constant screams and cheers of everyone dying down in the back of my head, with only darkness surrounding me. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I couldn't blink, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't say anything. All that my body focused now was to catch his every move, to watch his graceful stealth as he walked towards his opponent. To miss a single second would be like a knife through my body, feeling my chest tighten at the mere thought of it. 

He hasn't changed. Those eyes, even from a mile away, I could still recognize those eyes. The very same gleam of pure gold, the very same sparkle that seem to emit from its shimmer, I could never forget those eyes. They have kept me restless all these years as I constantly find myself haunted with such beauty, with such a painful memory that I can't help the screams that trouble me through the nights. Never have I realized how much I have missed him. Not even the years that passed…not even those could erase the clarity of his memory in my mind. 

But I suddenly snapped awake as I heard the other man on the ring utter his name, yet another attempt of mockery. 

Kurama. 

My eyes widened, if it was even more possible than holding my breath for so long. This man…he was Kurama! He was Kurama, the red-haired young man that had kept me busy during the times I willed myself to forget about the mysterious youkai. The very same man who constantly reminds me of him, the very same person whom I tried to forget to avoid any more pain. So that was why they seem so alike. I watched in silent astonishment as the battle ensued, barely taking the course of the battle in. 

Is this why Koenma-sama first refused to let me go? 

It wasn't only until I felt Keiko-chan's violent shake did I realize I must've zoned off. "Botan-chan?" came her worried voice, causing me to snap out of my thoughts. I shakily turned my head to look at her, shifting my eyes to from the ring to Keiko's concerned gaze. "Daijoubu, Botan-chan?" 

I promptly nodded my head, pasting a forced smile on my face. "Hai! Of course I am, why wouldn't I?" I exclaimed, a little bit too lively at that. But I doubt my eyes even reflected what my voice had tried to show. But Keiko smiled, she seem to be convinced enough. I sighed in relief, trying hard not to think much, but my heart and breathing betrayed me. And my mind did as well soon after, shifting me back to reality and the scene that stood before me. 

He. Was. Alive. 

"Iie, Kurama-kun!" Yukina-chan's gentle voice interrupted me this time, causing me to whirl my head back to the direction of the ring. A sharp gasped escaped my lips, watching in horror as Kurama's body slammed into the wall, causing a fury of smoke and rumbling stone to come down tumbling him. 

The crowd roared, ironically mocking me with their enthusiasm and cheers for the other team. I was caught in surprise, my heart beating almost to a dead stop as he disappeared under the wreckage, mentally begging him to stand up. But the cheers grew wilder, the announcer grew louder, all the while causing the whole stadium to shake through the noise as I fought back the tears. 

He can't die now! 

I quickly stood up and ran down, heedless of the angered cries of the youkai I stepped on as I went on my way. Shizuru-san's call even remained unanswered as I stepped several steps more. My mind seemed to stop working, with only the goal of coming to him as the key to every movement of my body. I felt my hands shaking as cold wind started to strike my skin, but I remained impassive to everything as I prayed that he stand up and come out. 

I couldn't hold back the tears. 

"Baka yarou!" I screamed, mindless of the eyes that started to dart up to me. "Kurama! What the hell do you think you're doing? I know you're alive, stand up!" I reached the boundary between the ring and audience seats, leaning as far as I could go just to be sure he heard. I discarded all second thoughts of the possibility of him dying. 

Not now. Not that I've found you! 

As if on cue, the rocks beneath the wreckage started to move. I held my breath as I watched him stand on his feet. Silver hair didn't come out as I had expected, instead, there was the familiar fiery mane that had found its place, etched in my mind. He had come back to being human, clutching his renewed wounds. The whole scene just made me shed even more tears. I've never seen him this bad, and I just wished I could ask the tournament to end. But I couldn't do that, and I know he wouldn't let me either. I could only hope he still stood a chance. 

But even before he could move, his pained look was replaced by an obvious surprise as he looked back at me. Suddenly, I felt numb, all other thoughts started to die down at the back of my head. But as the tension grew on, I masked my feelings with a smile. A smile that was supposed to be a mask, but then grew to be a smile of relief and happiness. He was all right. "Ganbatte yo, Kurama-kun!" 

Before he could even say another word, Karasu had started taunting him again. I drew back a little, watching Kurama jump back at the ring and went on to fighting his opponent physically, his eyes now shining with an unfamiliar glow. 

Was it...anger? 

Why? 

I held my breath, feeling my body shake all over again. 

"Botan-chan!" Shizuru's voice called to me. I looked back and saw the three of them, Keiko, Shizuru and Yukina, all gathered up around me. "Are you insane?! You almost got yourself killed!" She then pointed to the angry glares the audience I must've passed gave me, their complains almost unbearable. I looked blankly at them until I felt myself being pulled on the wrist. I then felt myself being dragged back to our seats…the right way. 

The battle continued, and I found myself dreading each and every second. He was losing! Kurama was covered in his own blood, with only a little wound on his opponent. I couldn't stand it. Only Keiko's hands kept me from running over there. I tried shifting my gaze, avoiding the physical pain that battle inflicts on me, shutting my eyes from further attempt in braving reality's cruelty. I flinched at every sound of a small explosion, flinched as they were all followed by his pained voice. 

I slowly opened my eyes, yet still trying to avoid the nightmare that is being held in front of me. I abruptly met with Koenma-sama's gaze, noticing the intent stare that he had been giving to me. His eyes were glaring, his brows creased as his fist tightly clenched at his sides. I felt cold. 

Ferry girls are not allowed to love youkai. 

_Koenma-sama...you don't understand._

Another explosion. 

I felt my heart slowly sink, yet keeping a hopeless optimism that he would still stand up. It didn't matter now if he won or not, all that mattered to me is that he lives. "Keiko-chan…he will still make it, wouldn't he?" 

Keiko was in the verge of tears as well, but she nodded her head. "Kurama-san's strong, we should trust him." 

He fell down again, this time, trapped in a midst of small bombs that started to circle around him. The stadium felt silent, with only the voice of the announcer sounding across the whole place. Everyone seemed to anticipate what would happen next. I held my breath, flinching as another explosion went off. I felt Keiko's hand tighten on my own, her eyes filling with tears. It only made me feel worse. 

Unexpectedly, as if in some sort of miracle, another huge plant seemed to burst from the ground, pinning their tips on Karasu's chest. Keiko and Yukina covered their eyes as Shizuru and I continued watching. Kurama was crouched on the ground, looking fully exhausted, watching as his plants began to devour Karasu. I covered my mouth from the sheer bloodshed, both fighters most probably in their worst shape. 

Yusuke was probably who first snapped out of his shock. "Kurama!!!" he yelled, right after the referee announced Karasu the winner despite his death. I didn't even mind what reason it was, all that mattered to me was that Kurama was alive. I watched as he stood up to meet Yusuke, Kuwabara and Hiei, all of them worried as they helped him out of the ring. I stood, overlooking the crowded audience to watch him limping, depending on Yusuke's shoulder to keep himself standing up. 

"Did you see that? He's okay!" Keiko-chan exclaimed, tears in the brink of falling from her brown eyes. Yukina-chan joined in with her, and Shizuru let out a satisfied smile. I watched them impassively, suddenly feeling the cold dread that started to rush in within me. It didn't feel right…much as I tried to catch his eyes…it seemed like he's avoiding my gaze. 

But… 

Kurama… 

The one I've been looking for all these times…it's him all along...but why was I afraid? 

* * *

"Did you come for me?" 

_I want to be with you._

"…H-hai." 

_I want to make sure._

"Why?" 

_Please say you remember._

"You know why. Is this the reason why I'm not supposed to watch the tournament?" 

_Was I expecting too much? Did it really matter to you? Did I mean as much as you have meant to me?_

"You were not supposed to know." 

_Do you really care?_

"Why?!" 

_I don't want to believe my doubts. Give me your reassurance. Please._

"Because…I thought you should've forgotten by now." 

_I want to believe what I once believed fifteen years ago._

"What do you mean?" 

_I want to believe you'll open yourself to me despite our fears._

"We shouldn't live through that anymore. It's over." 

_Or was it only me who was afraid?_

"How could you say that?" 

_Is this your lie? I don't believe you_

"How could you trust someone like me? A youko who once prowled the grounds of a realm that barely had anything good to offer you? What's the use of being with that kind of person? What made you believe I truly cared?" 

_When you smiled...I knew you meant no harm._

"..…" 

_Because it was a sincere smile._

"You shouldn't have trusted me in the first place." 

_Even if it didn't last._

"I thought…" 

_You can't hide it from me._

"..…" 

_I know...I thought...we could go back._

"I thought…you were different." 

_Go back to the past and live through it once again._

"I almost took advantage of you before, how could you say that?" 

_It was my fault._

"I don't care! By that time…by the time I saw you…I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go back to Reikai!" 

_I wanted to be with you that time...and I still do._

"..…" 

_Why can't you understand me? Why do you keep on hiding?_

"Can't you understand? I love you, and I've been looking for you all these times!" 

_Please say you felt the same way._

"Don't say that!" 

_Please say you're not rejecting me._

"Why?!" 

_I've found you._

"I never..." 

_I don't want to lose you again._

"….." 

_I don't want to cry anymore._

"You should leave…" 

_I don't want to be alone again._

"…So that's it? All these years, that's all you wanted to say?" 

_It hurts to be away from you._

"…Yes." 

_Give me another chance._

"…Kurama..." 

_Don't tell me they were just lies._

"Botan, please go." 

_But...maybe I was just too naive to believe you._

"...I..." 

_Maybe...my mistake was ever asking for your help. To ever meeting you._

"....." 

_Tell me this is not the end._

"I understand..." 

_But if this is what you want...maybe..._

"....." 

_This is the truth..._

"Goodbye." 

_And the past was the lie._

**End of chapter 8**   
  
  



	10. Chapter 9

**Destiny**

Standard disclaimers apply; Yu Yu Hakusho is not and will never be mine. Another flashback, minna ^-^ Chapter done in Youko Kurama's point of view. 

**Chapter 9**

The cliff from which I hung was too high, too weak, that the dark abyss below suddenly became too tempting. 

And so I fell. 

The next thing I knew, I was kissing her, kissing her with all the burning passion that had built up inside me. From the very first moment that the perfection of her eyes captured mine in a fury of selfish desires to hold her, to make sure that she would be mine, I knew that any kind of resistance would be futile. I am one with myself, I have never lost control. But her eyes had imprisoned me in their depths, leaving me mesmerized and enchanted with their mysterious beauty. They left me wanting, and hoping, almost willing them to never close that I may look into them longer and deeper. I watched her through half-lidded eyes, until the kiss got too deep that I couldn't help closing my eyes. 

She was trembling, those beautiful eyes of purple nearing the verge of tears. The movement of my hand to draw away those tears was inevitable, it was almost a reflex. She had looked so small, so vulnerable, that the mere thought of the youkai I had just confronted sent a shiver down my spine. I wanted to kill him again, to feel his blood as he breathed his last. I wanted to make him miserable again, and again, until I satisfy myself with the thought that nothing, nobody, could ever harm her. She was the little treasure that I had decided to protect. 

I had leaned down to kiss her again, slowly as to not make her more afraid as she already was. I had taken great care not to pain her, but the sudden, muffled cry caused me to sit up abruptly. She had tried to resist the urge to scream in pain, but the hard moan that escaped betrayed her. I was afraid that I must've hurt her, and so I quickly lifted myself from her lithe frame, watching her try to sit up. It was only a matter of seconds before she limply fell on me, her head resting upon my shoulders as she weakly gripped my arm for support. She tried moving her leg, and I watched her in dumb curiosity as she struggled to show me what was wrong. 

It was dreadful the way I saw it, those dreadful spots of crimson on the white sheet as she took a deep breath to calm herself. I have seen more blood, more pains than this, but never have I actually cared for them, I had never reacted. But now, as I looked down upon her helpless form, I couldn't help the sudden sickness that started to rise up my stomach as her beautiful face twisted in pain. 

"It hurts," she cried, stifling a sob as she gestured to her ankle. I took the cover away, my eyes glued to the source of her pain. Indeed, it was her ankle. It was covered in a mass of red, the surrounding area was already dark from the entrapped blood coming out from a deep, slashed wound she must've acquired from that son of a bitch. I mentally cursed that youkai again, hoping that whatever thing that found him lying on that forest floor would devour him with no such decency to heighten up his already contorted shame even more. 

I glanced up to her, for I didn't think I could stare at the wound any longer. She was gasping for air, obviously shocked at the amount of blood that must've come out of her. That was when I saw how young and innocent she must've been, ignorant and mindless of the things that were happening around her. I saw her even more vulnerable, but strong to may have faced these things with only muffled sobs and tears. She never said anything more, and only looked back at me with those mesmerizing eyes of hers. She looked at me without fear now, through the tears and through her cries. She looked at me in trust. A trust that I felt like keeping. 

"Can't you use your power to heal yourself?" I asked her. 

She shook her head. "I'm only new to that kind of deity power and I can't do more than one in a day," she said, lowering her gaze as she vaguely played with the material of her clothing. "I…already used it for you." 

If it was guilt that had suddenly arose from me, I have no intentions of denying it. It was, afterall, my fault now that she couldn't heal herself. Much as I hated admitting something as my fault, it was no use fighting it now that she needed help. 

My hand reached up to my hair, the silver locks falling limply on my shoulders as I thought of the thing I needed. I reached behind my neck to pull out a single white flower, with leaves soft and curled in a sea of evergreen as they lightly stuck themselves on the thick stem. I rested my hand a few inches above her wound, the glow of bright gold surrounding her. The soft sparkles of light were tiny seedlings from a fern here in Makai, they were good in dealing with open wounds. As I felt the bleeding stop, I plucked two leaves from the flower I held and wrapped them around the injury. I tore a piece of my sash to use it to tie the leaves on her. 

She looked down quietly as I nursed her wound, her breathing once again even and no signs of sobbing. Once I had finished, she muttered a small "thank you" before looking away again. It doesn't really take the sharpness of a youkai's eyes to see the soft harmony of pale pink and red on her cheeks. She was trying to hide a blush. Much as I wanted to say something, I decided against it. She badly needed rest. 

"Go to sleep," I told her simply, pushing her to lie down. I took out a new sheet for her to use, and I laid it upon her as she tried to struggle to sit up. 

"Wait, where are you going?" she asked, grasping my hand as tightly as her strength had allowed her. 

"I…have things to do," I said as I laid her down again, steadying her hands from clutching mine to tightly. She was terrified, although I didn't exactly know why. As I looked into her tearful eyes, I kept asking myself if leaving is even such a good idea at that moment. But I shook my head against it, willing myself to secure my gaze as to not let her get the idea that I've started to care. Not that I haven't kicked my own behind already, but I convinced myself that I can't afford to have more. 

"But…how long would you be away?" 

I frowned, thinking about it for a moment. I go to my hunt with my pack almost for a whole day, our next destination quite far. It might be a bit longer than I may suspect. I looked at her, with her eyes delving into mine as she awaited my answer. I drowned in their depths again, the sea of glowing purple enveloping me once again in their innocent mystery. 

That was when I knew I couldn't stay away for long. 

I shook my head. "You ask too many questions," I grunted, eyeing her sharply as I turned to leave. My hands fell limply on my side as I took a single step, suddenly realizing the smooth and soft petals of the flower I held in my hand. It was the same flower I had used to heal her. The misty white silkiness was calling out for my attention as I gently held it close enough for me to smell its sweet fragrance. I remembered its name now, The Lily of the Realm. I suppose the realm that was stated was Makai, for I doubt this same beauty grows in the other two. It had always been my favorite, next to the rose. The rose had been my weapon, this flower had been my remedy. Remedy from my wounds, from my pains. Remedy from the bloodsheds. 

I realized that I still stood from where I had taken that first step, unable to leave the place. As if I was expected to be in need of something before I leave. I looked up to see her tantalizing eyes once again laid on mine, our gazes meeting in a mixed harmony and turmoil with their intensity. She was teasing me, mocking me with her ignorance of what I felt. I had started to hate her even more, because she had a sudden ability to manipulate me through her gaze. I hated her, because I felt the ice in whatever heart I have left melting just by her stares. I hated her, because I felt like I couldn't bring myself to give her my hatred. The hatred that I used to give the world. 

My feet betrayed me as they started towards her again. So did my hands when they lifted up to hold one of her hands, lifting them to place the single white blossom in the softness of her touch. I stared and touched, mesmerized by how the bloom seem to suit well in her hands, both their softness matched the other. I would've smile, but I decided against it and just let both her hand and the flower go. 

"You do have a name, do you?" I asked her, willing myself to forget about how her hand seem too tempting to hold. 

It wasn't until a few seconds when she snapped, turning away abruptly as she started playing with the cover again. "Uhm…it's B-Botan…" she said, her voice a bit low as she mumbled the words out. But I heard her, as I felt her name being carved into my mind. I repeated her name silently in my lips, savoring its perfection in my tongue. Although I knew that her name wasn't at all special exactly, I knew that I would never bring myself to forget it. It was beauty in it's own way, especially since she was the one who owns it. I must say that she and her name fit perfectly well. Both gave me peace. 

I turned to leave, my soft sounding steps echoing softly through the walls of my lair. I kept my ear alert, waiting for any sign of movement from her. It was only until I was about to reach the end of the cave's path when I sensed her movement, the rustle of the blanket as she buried herself underneath its warmth. 

I ceased my steps to now look at the dark path behind me, her form now invisible through the walls of the cave. I suddenly had the thought of actually staying, but my mind started against it as I shook my head off the idea. I didn't know why I now cared, but I couldn't help finding myself wishing to whatever god to watch over her. Watch over her from whatever evil that could come while I was away. 

* * *

"Yo, Kurama!" 

I looked up to see Li's eyes frowning at me, one twitching slightly in irritation. I raised one brow as a response, annoyed at the fact that he was watching me. But I couldn't blame him though, I must've lost myself again. Lost myself in **her** again. 

I couldn't help it. Ever since I've set foot away from my lair, thoughts of her, of what she might be doing, they all started a flood in my mind. I was almost in a hysterical paranoia that something might happen. That is, if you consider perfection to stumble more than even thought possible with such a skilled thief, I wasn't exactly the type who'd go maddeningly hysterical. But very much to say, I wasn't acting myself. I had made mistakes in a short span of an hour. I had dropped an artifact that could've caused a fortune and accidentally gave it to a rival pack, I've hurt a fellow mate with my whip and I've drifted into deep space while Li gave me pointers about our supposed to be plan. I was impossible, I'm actually wondering why Li hadn't kicked me just yet. 

"What do you want?" I asked, pulling up the cold exterior once again. As suspected, I gained dominance over Li as he only let out a soft grunt of irritation. Even though Li and I had equal powers when it comes to our group, he couldn't exactly argue with me longer than three seconds. 

He sighed, his lean shoulders suddenly sagging. "Come on, Kurama, you can't go around stealing from others when you let your own mind get stolen," he said, poking my head once for emphasis. "Especially not by a woman." 

I snapped, my back suddenly straightening as shock and fury started to burst from the flame in my eyes. "What are you talking about?" I asked him, glaring at him as the gold of my gaze intensified. Of course, I had a slight thought of what he had meant, but I couldn't exactly wonder how he could've known. I had only met her today, and no one could have possibly seen me rescue her. 

"Oh come on! You know what I'm talking about!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands back as he eyed me in distaste. "You know, blue hair, pretty face, gorgeous body. I was actually waiting for you to share her with me, but that doesn't seem like one of the ideas that you have running around your head, is it?" 

I stared dumbstruck at that. He had described her perfectly! All right, so scratch the parts where he was being too bold, but I couldn't exactly disagree. But mostly, I could've used other terms. Li was like that, straight and frank, he doesn't go around in circles like I do. He doesn't care what others might think, all he cares about is himself. And his treasures and his identity as a thief. 

He must've noticed my silence when he grinned. "Well, well, so I was right, huh? I wasn't really sure if that's it exactly, just a wild guess. But your expression gives you away, kitsune, hahaha!" he laughed wildly as he fell slightly back. 

I rolled my eyes. He really couldn't stop mocking me, could he? "Shut up, baka!" Even though I exclaimed this in irritation, he still continued laughing. I decided to ignore it. "How did you know?" 

He stopped momentarily to look at me. "Oh? Well, it's not exactly unusual to obsess with such a fine woman but--" 

"I meant, how did you know about her?" I said, cutting him off almost impatiently. Really, he was impossible when it comes to women. Sure, he gets his usual herd of youkai females whenever he wanted to, but that wasn't exactly a good reason to fill himself with this idiocy. For Li, women are just for past time, he can have them when he wants them, and he can leave them as soon as he starts getting tired of them. I didn't exactly feel sorry for those women, they were fools to even fall for a thief. But still, sometimes Li gets too much of this that it bothers fellow thieves sometimes. 

"Oh! Haha! Would you believe I came to call for you this morning?" he said, bursting in roars of laughter once again. "I was actually surprised when you didn't seem to feel my presence, but that's when I saw the babe you were with." He laughed again. It took me a great amount of self-control to keep myself from knocking the guy's head on the ground. Maybe I decided to listen, I wanted to know how on earth I could've let down my guard. "Thank me, oh **loving** buddy, I decided not to bother you two. It might ruin the atmosphere, as they always say." Now I really wanted to hit him. A little bit more, you idiot, and I'll be having your head displayed on my lair. Only a moron would try to tease me more than twice. "So tell me, how's it like to make out with a Reikai girl?" 

Confirmed, Li's a moron. 

"I can have your head for those, Li, I swear." I told him, glaring at him almost too intensely now. 

Li sighed, hitting me on the shoulder as he tried to cease his laughter. "But seriously, Kurama, how was it? Was she good?" 

I sighed, burying my aching head on my palm. "Nothing happened," I stated simply, moving my palm in circles to ease the pain in my head. "I'm not like you." 

It should've come out as an insult, but I suppose it backfired when I heard Li's laughter again. "Good one, kitsune!" he exclaimed, holding himself up from his laughter. "Oh gods, Kurama! You really know the exact words to say, no wonder the girl fell for your 'charms'. Lucky girl you got there with you, very lucky!" 

I rolled my eyes again, muttering silent curses as I left Li on that cliff. He was still laughing and shouting insults, but they seem to drift away with the wind as I looked up at the darkening skies. I decided that I had to go back, it might get dangerous for her now. I still didn't know why I wanted to protect her so much, maybe it's what Li always call "manly instincts". But I doubt that idiot knew what he was talking about, he had hurt his women more than he ever tried protecting them. But whatever it was, it was a real pain when you're a thief. I couldn't concentrate, I had to go back. 

* * *

Three days, and I knew she's well enough to ride her oar again. And as I watch her grip the wooden object, I couldn't help but feel like wanting to break it. To keep her from leaving. It had only been a matter of three days, and she completely won my mind, making obsess over her during the heat of the day and the coldness of the night. I couldn't imagine myself going back to the old life I used to live, it was too unusual now that it had been completely changed. This must be Reikai's way of vengeance for breaking its laws. 

"Anou…" she started, her fingers lacing around the thin handle of her oar. She had her head down, as if she was struggling for words to say. She didn't let me catch her eye, it was as if she found the dusty ground far more interesting than I was to her. Maybe that, or she still couldn't look at me. I've always had that effect on people, making them stand still just by my gaze. I suppose that certain aspect would never change. Even if I wanted the person to look. 

_Stay_, I thought. It was the most explainable thing I could think of. But even though I wished, almost willed, her to say the words I wanted her to say, I knew she'd never agree. Never. She knows the danger from which she now faced, the contemptuous stranger that I am. I know she wouldn't want to stay. 

She fidgeted again, daring to raise her head so our eyes could meet. She turned away again. "T-Thank you…for keeping me here," she said, poising her oar to lift her up in midair. 

I could only stare and watch as she was lifted higher and higher, until she was face to face with me. Our gazes locked, making me stand in near surrender to her goodbye. I watched as a trembling hand came up to the side of my face, almost touching. She seemed to be resisting the urge to touch me, probably from fear that I might hurt her. I couldn't blame her, for the few days that she had stayed, I had shown nothing but a cold mystery to her. We barely spoke, we barely even tried any means of communication. All that were let out were a few sidelong glances, that and nothing more. 

I was about to turn and leave, leave her alone so she could go back to where she was supposed to be. My strides moved along the grassed ground, my eyes fixed directly in front of me, not daring to look back. But it was her voice that made me slow down. 

"Wait!" 

I dared not stop. I might've slowed, but I kept myself from looking at her. From making me lose myself again. I'm a thief, a feared youkai. I was Youko Kurama, the dreaded kitsune of the Makai. Nobody can control me, no one can manipulate me. No one can make me let down my guard. Not even her. 

But she didn't give up. She didn't give up the battle, as her voice sounded through my head once again. "Wait," she called again, yet she stayed where she was. And I kept walking away. "Can I…when I have the time…can I come and see you?" 

So bold, yet so naïve. I guess she still didn't know the danger that she faced just by asking me that. And the sanity that she dared take from me by doing so. _Yes_, was my mind's only answer, and yet I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. It would've been better off if she wouldn't, but I can't exactly say that that is what I desire her to do. I've wished her to stay, but I suppose this might be the closest way I can have that wish. 

I ceased my steps, eyes narrowing as I turned to my side. Silence lingered through the violent winds of our surroundings, the thick vegetation muffling the heavy howls. I didn't look back, I didn't look at her. My fist clenched at my side, my head screaming to let her inside. But no, I'm a youkai, she was a ferry girl. We don't exactly go together. 

"Probably." 

I just wish I can come to understand that. 

**End of chapter 9**   


  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 10

**Destiny**

*Hands shoot up from the ground and reveals Che-chan, back from the dead* 

I live!!! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha--*gets struck by lightning* 

*puffs out smoke* Ayah! Minna, sorry for the delay!!! >_ 

Come on, it's chapter 10, do I have to repeat every single disclaimer in every chapter? *sweatdrops* Let's spare the pain, ne? ^-^ I'm back from the dead, mwahahahaha!!! *ducks out for possible lightning, happy to find none* It's been a long time, but hey, at least there's improvement ^-^' (PATHETIC attempt for an excuse, I know, gomen!) Although, I can't assure you all a perfectly written chapter, I must've lost it after all these times of staring at the corner of my wall ^-^' Chapter done in Botan's point of view. Uh…you might get confused because I'm REALLY twisting the episodes now…ehehehehe ^-^' 

**Chapter 10**   
  
I've cried. And I'm still crying. 

I don't know how long I've been lying in my room, with only the safety of the dark as my source of comfort. I didn't know what time it was, I didn't even know if the sun had already risen. All that I had ever come to know was the immense pain that had grown in my chest, and that that pain was still growing. My body felt limp for some reason, with only my constant sobs as the only sounds echoing around the room. I didn't feel like doing anything, because I can never do anything else. There was nothing else I could think about. Nothing else but one. 

_ Goodbye._

I didn't know what to say after that, after my lips uttered that word. Such a single word had let out a thousand meanings, but all was lost now that he took everything away with him. I had walked out of the room quietly, I didn't even remember closing the door behind me. Nor did I remember how I got back to Reikai. Nor did I remember how I got in here, how I laid myself in this messy heap on my bed. The image of Kurama's cold, impassive face was the only thing that remained. He looked away after I bid him that goodbye, he didn't look like he had anything else to say. He had held such a hard expression that time that I didn't know what it truly meant. 

But one thing had been clear to me after I stepped out of that room. My goodbye was final. 

Maybe that's the reason why I'm crying. After all those agonizing years of trying to know where he had gone to, after all those times I've thought about him, this was the welcome he had given me. I sighed. Maybe I was just fooling myself. Maybe he didn't really feel anything for me after all. Maybe he was just like those other ones I've heard about. Maybe he had just used me. Maybe it was only I who had thought something had been there. 

But I shook my head. Looking back on that time on the tournament, when he rose from the heavy rubble of that ruined wall, he looked at me. I had never seen him so surprised. But he did try to smile back when I did, and that mere attempt had given me all the hope I needed to assure me his safety. But I suppose it wasn't enough to assure me of what he truly feels. After all, he looked away even before he could give me his smile. 

I buried my face on the pillow I held, the softness of its fabric taking all my tears. But if he still felt the same way, why did he turn me down? I had been expecting something else, something less depressing. Even though I was afraid of going to him, afraid that he might've forgotten me, I didn't expect to say such a quick goodbye. He once had asked me if he could talk to me, was this what he meant by talking? Any goodbye was painful, a soundless goodbye, a furious goodbye, a sad goodbye. Whatever it is, it's painful, and I hate it. And I hate him. But maybe it was because I had come to love him so. 

Everything had fitted so well, how he could always lock my gaze with his own. The once golden hue had turned into a sparkling green, but they still held the very same gleam that only he could ever possess. He had been the one, the very same man I have come to love even through the time that he was absent. I still loved him, after all those years of just living through his memories, living through my dreams. But after that day during the tournament, every single one of those dreams have been shattered piece by piece, leaving none for me to hold on to. My hope was all gone, for it was I who had said that word to say the least. I was the one whom he had made to say it. I was the one who declared our end. 

But I wouldn't have done it if only he gave me the chance. Why must it end like that? What was he hiding that he didn't trust me to know about? 

"Botan-chan?" 

I looked up, quickly wiping the tears away and tilted my head towards the door. A ferry girl stood there against the light, her head to one side as she looked at me, her hands clasped in front of her. It was Inu-chan. She wore the usual purple kimono she owned, opening the door slightly, enough to just let a narrow ray of light to be emitted inside the room. 

"Daijoubu ka, Botan-chan? Are you crying?" she asked, her voice worried. 

I sighed, clearing my throat so my voice wouldn't shake. "Hai, daijoubu, Inu-chan." 

It didn't need me to be good in acting to fool her. She nodded after a few seconds, opening the door further to let herself in. "Koenma-sama is sending you to go to Ningenkai on a new assignment." 

I wasn't in the mood to go, but I nodded. I can do without Koenma-sama's whinning at the moment. "Arigatou, Inu-chan, I'll be getting ready." 

I sighed as the door closed, leaving me in the darkness again. I bowed my head, letting out another tear before finally standing up to fix myself. My hand trembled as it held the tie I use for my hair, dropping it from time to time from the shaking. My heart was still racing, my sight still blurry from the darkness. Maybe this would help me clear my thoughts out. Maybe, as long as I stay away from him, things would work out well. 

Maybe if I stay away, things would get back to where they were before. Years before I ever came to know that mysterious youkai thief who had succeeded in stealing my heart.   
  


Yusuke was kidnapped! 

My day was definitely not getting better. Puu had come to us in a panic, flying about the room as he tried to tell us something. But due to his inability to speak, we were having a hard time getting everything he was saying. Kuwabara was already in hysterics, glancing now and then somewhere to try and find a way to understand him. Puu finally flew to the chalkboard and started scribbling the words, causing Kuwabara-kun's hysteria in a real maximum. 

So now we're running, following Puu to the site where Yusuke was abducted. It was obvious that Puu was really worried about Yusuke. And so was Kuwabara. And so was I. Yusuke had just won the tournament against Toguro, and now a few measly humans were able to abduct him? 

"Oy, Puu, where the hell are we going anyway?!" Kuwabara asked, panting tiredly as he went on running after Puu. Puu just replied with a high-pitched "Puu!" and went on. The sun was about to set, but we barely noticed it. We were only thinking of Yusuke. 

We finally reached the site, a vacant lot behind a wooden fence. The area was empty, as Kuwabara and I desperately tried to look for Yusuke. But there was no one there, with only a note and a bag in the middle of the lot. Kuwabara's eyes widened, recognizing the brown bag as Yusuke's and hurriedly ran to it. He picked up the note, reading it, his eyes rapidly flying through the letter. 

The note had asked us to go to a certain house, confirming our fears that they have Yusuke. They said that they didn't care how many would come, as long as Kuwabara, Hiei and Kurama would come as well. "How the hell did they know about Kurama and Hiei?!" Kuwabara stood aghast, crumpling the letter in his hands. He pocketed it eventually though, as he turned to me, his eyes in a panic. "Nevermind that. We have to go find Kurama first, let's go!" 

I blinked. 

Kurama? 

But before I could say anything, Kuwabara was pulling me towards the streets, his steps in big sprints as he dragged me behind him. 

Kurama. 

My heartbeat skipped just by the thought of seeing him again. A mixed fury of anxiety and fear started welling up in my chest, that I barely noticed it when Kuwabara pulled me across the road with him. I clenched my fists, dreading every step I took that would lead me to him. I was scared to see him, afraid that my mind might relive everything that had just happened. No, I wasn't ready yet. 

I hesitated to go on, slowly pulling Kuwabara to a stop. He turned back, pulling me again, but I remained where I was. "Anou…Kuwabara-kun? I'm not sure, maybe we shouldn't bother Kurama-kun right now." 

"What? Have you gone mental, Botan?! Yusuke's kidnapped for God's sakes, and we NEED Kurama at the moment, if it's not yet obvious from the letter!" he said, pulling the crumpled letter from his pocket and shoving it to my face. 

I frowned. "I know but…let's just find Hiei-kun first. Or maybe you should just go to Kurama and I'll find Hiei." 

Kuwabara shook his head. "We're just going to lose each other doing that. And even if we don't, we need Kurama to convince Hiei to come! That small fry for an idiot wouldn't listen to us even if we threaten his life with a stinkin' gun for cryin' out loud!" 

"But Kuwabara-kun---!" 

"No buts! We're only one street away from Kurama's school, we can't turn back now!" 

Even before I could resist, he was pulling me more forcefully than before. It wasn't until a few minutes when we finally reached the gates of Meiou High, its metal bars cold and hard as I clutched to it in resistance. "Ne, Kuwabara-kun, maybe I should really look for Hiei…" but even before I can say anymore, Kuwabara shot me a suspicious glare. 

"Oi, you sound like you're afraid to go to him," he said, pointing his thumb at the opened doors of the high school. "Something happened? 'Cause if Kurama did something to you I'll---" 

"Iie, it's not like that." 

"Then what the hell's the problem?!" 

I didn't reply. I didn't know what to reply. I couldn't possibly tell Kuwabara-kun what happened between me and Kurama, the story's too long, too complex for me to even understand. I heard him puff out an exasperated sigh as he started pacing down the walkway towards the front door. I stayed where I was, watching him reach for the latch on the front building. He turned to me, shooting up an eyebrow as he held a hand to his waist. 

"You coming or not?" he asked. 

I sighed, willing my feet to move as I took that first step. I suppose nothing would happen, I mean, that was our final mention of what happened in the past. Maybe, like what I'm trying to do, Kurama had forgotten. Maybe, he hadn't even given it much thought. But I guess that's fine, as much as that hurt, it's the best thing for both of us now. Yusuke is in trouble, and we're the only ones who can help him. I can't turn back now. 

I followed.   
  


"KURAMA!!!" 

A sweatdrop ran down my head as I tried my best to stop Kuwabara-kun from his…er, very loud search. "Ne, Kuwabara-kun, that's a bit too loud," I told him, timidly avoiding the annoyed stares the other students gave us. I laid a hand on Kuwabara's shoulder to stop him from shouting again, pulling him back from his giant, and VERY loud steps. 

"But how can we find him if we won't call him? He HAS to hear us through THIS!" And to my grief horror, Kuwabara-kun took a deep breath and… 

"KURAMA!!! COME OUT! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!" 

As if that wasn't bad enough, he started kicking doors now, startling the poor students of Meiou High to no end. A bunch of them had started following us with curious eyes, whispering to each other as they shot Kuwabara-kun a curious gaze. I frowned. How come these students look like they don't know who Kurama was? Surely, he would've been known, he's probably the most intelligent of them in here, not to mention one of the best looking most probably. But I shook my head vigorously to stop that line of thought. How can I forget about him if I kept on thinking about him this way? I sighed, and just settled on trying to calm Kuwabara down. 

"Kuwabara-kun, I swear, we're going to get kicked out if you keep doing that!" I protested in vain, watching helplessly as he landed another kick on a laboratory door. I think I heard a faint, "Minamino…!" before my eyes shot out as I saw a young male get ran down by the door that Kuwabara just kicked. 

Kuwabara, meanwhile, didn't seem to see the boy. "There you are!" he exclaimed, throwing up his hands as he hit Kurama on the back. "We've been looking everywhere for you!" 

Kurama blinked, his green eyes looking at Kuwabara as he stood there dumbstruck. He was probably surprised to see Kuwabara there, and his eyes glanced around, probably to see if there was any more. I tried backing away, hiding behind a number of students that had stood there watching. But he saw me, his eyes locking mine in one of those mystical, penetrating stares, and I cursed the uniform I wore. It must've caught his attention. The uniform of Kurama's school was a tad bit on the dark colors side, while Yusuke and Kuwabara's were light. The color was a bit of a show off compared to the other students', I'm afraid. 

Kurama stood still, his eyes on mine as was mine on his. Suddenly I couldn't move, my hands turning cold beside me as my feet felt like they were glued to the ground. It seemed like hours, our gazes intact, our bodies immobile. I couldn't look away. Fortunately for me, just before I thought I couldn't breathe anymore, one student asked, "Excuse me, who are you looking for?" 

Kuwabara frowned, and was about to answer when the student flashed a questioning gaze at Kurama. "Minamino-san, do you know these people?" 

Minamino? I thought, looking at the boy. That was when I remembered. Kurama's human name, Shuuichi Minamino. The thought must've slipped my mind. 

It wasn't until a few seconds when Kurama stirred, his head seeming to hesitate. Finally, his eyes let go off mine, turning to the boy that asked the question. He let out a sheepish smile, holding up a hand in assurance. "Ah! Nevermind, it's just a street name I use." He then turned to Kuwabara and I and whispered, "You're the only ones who call me 'Kurama'. Here, I'm known as 'Minamino'." 

Kuwabara nodded in understanding, staring dumbly at Kurama as he thought of what to do. Kurama let out a sweatdrop, his eyes sliding down from us to the broken door. "And…Kuwabara-kun, would you mind…?" he finished off the sentence with a slight point to the ground, referring to the poor boy who laid sprawling on the floor as Kuwabara stood on top of him with the door. 

Kuwabara yelped, jumping down the ground as he lifted the door. "Gomen!" he exclaimed, lifting the door up and bowing down before the boy in apology. 

Kurama and I stared with sweatdrops on our heads. But then, another student approached us. He was as tall as Kuwabara, his black hair combed out of his face, hands tucked casually in his pockets. He put an arm around Kurama's shoulder, letting out a mischievous grin as he punched him lightly on the arm. "Oya, Shuuichi! So this was where you've been hiding your girlfriend, eh?" he teased, eyeing me up and down. I stepped back, trying to avoid his piercing gaze and looked away. I felt him grin again, and he turned to Kurama. "She IS your girlfriend, isn't she? If she's not, you're not as smart as you look after all! I mean, she IS pretty and all…" he looked at me again. 

I frowned, definitely not pleased with him. I looked at Kurama. He must've felt the same thing. He held a passive face now, very much unlike the one he gave the other boy from the room. He didn't hold the usual, innocent expression he frequently held around other people. I could've sworn he held the expression of his youkai side, his lips curved in a small smirk, his eyes as cold and passive as they were during his fights. He looked at the other boy, a satisfied twinkle shining from his eyes. And I held my breath as I heard his reply. "I didn't say she's not, Imonu-san, but I would truly appreciate it if you don't ask any more questions about my personal life," he said calmly, his eyes of shimmering jade looking straight into the other one's own. 

Even before the other boy could say anything else, and even before the other students reacted from their little trance of shock, Kurama pulled me by the hand as he gestured Kuwabara to follow. It wasn't until a few seconds before Kuwabara was able to shake his head from the very same trance he went into and followed. 

We exited the building. I hid my face in embarrassment as I tried avoiding the other students' gazes, ignoring their silent murmurs about Shuuichi Minamino's new 'girlfriend'. I also tried avoiding Kuwabara's confused eyes as he looked at us uncertainly. And though in vain, I was trying to ignore Kurama's warm hand as it held my own, obediently following his quick strides out of the suddenly heated building. 

"Oooiii…you didn't tell us you were dating!" he exclaimed, frantically pointing fingers at me and Kurama by the time we were out of the gates. "How come you didn't tell us? How long have you been together?!" 

It wasn't until then did I realize how much I was blushing from the earlier show Kurama had done, and I tried hiding my face from them both as I looked away. I didn't dare say anything. And by the time I was certain that there nobody else but us three, I took my hand back from his, dreading the fact that it had caused my heartbeat to quicken into an unimaginable pace. I turned away, hiding behind the tall shadow of Kuwabara as he went on with all of his questions. 

I felt Kurama's eyes on me before he turned to Kuwabara, giving him a patient look with a slight shake of his head. "Iya, Kazuma-san, I was pretending. That guy there was Hyo Imonu, and he's been trying to rival me in everything, I think it's been his past time embarrassing me from other students," he said, frowning slightly. "And…" he looked at me from the corner of his eyes, but he quickly took it back and looked up at Kuwabara again. "I've heard he's a known hentai around here, I didn't want him to…" he paused. He let out a tired sigh, letting a hand sway nonchalantly as he turned his back to us. "Iya, nevermind. Let's just go." 

He started walking, and I followed him, a few steps behind. I couldn't walk beside him, I was blushing too much to even risk it. Kuwabara was left staring in place, must've been contemplating on what Kurama said earlier. I held my peace, not knowing what to say or what to do. I felt as if a cold knife was stabbed on my throat, and it seemed impossible for me to speak. I have never felt this uneasy with anybody before, but as I stole a glance of him now, I didn't need any further questions. It was plainly because he was there, and it was plainly because he didn't show any sign to reassure me that tings would be fine. I felt myself frowning again, as I bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling. 

But even before I could entertain any old pains, he stopped in mid-step, turning back to face me. He held the most mysterious expression he had ever revealed, his eyes on the ground. He tapped one tip of his shoe on the cemented street, seeming to hesitate at first but decided against it. He sighed. "Anou…" he started, glancing up at me, his lips curving into a small, almost hopeful smile. "Gomen." 

I blinked up at him. It seemed like an eternity before I could take that word in. But after a few moments of understanding, my chest felt light, as if a heavy burden had been lifted up from it. I looked at him silently, his eyes still on mine as he held a silent apology. His smile never left him, and he cocked his head to one side and waited for my reply. Call me naïve, but that smile had somehow meant the world to me then, like it usually had been. And for the first time after the end of the Ankonku Bujutsuukai, I let out the expression that I seemed to have missed, and seemed to have doubted to ever come back. 

I smiled. 

**End of chapter 10**   
  


  


  



	12. Chapter 11

**Destiny**   


Standard disclaimers apply, *sweatdrops* I can't seem to get that phrase away from my fanfics! >_ But…oh well, at least it goes for goody points, ne? ^-^' Chapter done in Kurama's point of view. Anou…my bad, is Botan sounding like Kurama or is Kurama sounding like Botan? *sweatdrops* Huhu…gomen!!! >_ 

Heya…I was going over my reviews (minna, thank you for having the time!), there's someone there who had asked for more lime? *sheepish grin* Well, you DID have a good point =p I'm a bit under-aged, so don't expect any good lime, but I'll try my best to keep giving off the expected "emotional distress", okay? =^-^= Thank you!   


**Chapter 11**   


"Anou…" 

I looked down, feeling my cheeks suddenly grow warm. I'm not really the type who would blush that easily, but what I had done was a heavy sin when you look straight down at it. And I did it in front of the whole school body for that matter! I couldn't believe the words that came out of my mouth, but given another situation, I might've done the same. Hyo Imonu, he's been after me ever since I transferred here for some reason. And I didn't exactly like this late trick that he just did. Usually, I would've ignored him, but this time, he's insulting someone other than me. And that someone just happened to be _her_. 

I was so furious that I didn't even notice what I was doing. 

"Gomen." 

And I meant it. I just hope that her reaction wouldn't hurt as much as I feared it would. But, after everything that I had done to her, I guess, if she did hurt me, I deserved it. Not just because of that show I've put up. I deserved the pain of everything that I had ever done to her. And I hate myself for always being the one who would hurt her the most. Because as my previous anger towards Imonu increases, so would my anger to myself. Much as I try not to think about it, I didn't deserve even the simplest of her smiles. I'm asking for forgiveness, and yet I didn't dare expect it from her. I would much rather preferred to be hated by her, for her to despise me. 

Yes, that would be better. Then I wouldn't be so hurt for everything I had done. That was fair for her, isn't it? 

I readied myself and dared to look up. I expected a glare, a disappointed and hateful frown, but there was none. Quite the contrary actually, it was so unsuspected that it actually came out as an ironic surprise. 

She was smiling. 

"It's okay." 

I was so shocked I didn't know what to do. I couldn't believe what I had heard, what I was seeing. _It's okay_. It was such a short, simple phrase, but heaven only knows how much that had meant to me. True, I had intended, even wished, that she would hate me, but now I'm doubting if ever that was even possible. I thought that having her do so would lift a bit of my guilt. But I can't deny the fact that I still want to be loved and understood. Especially by her. 

"I don't mind, I'm just glad that I could help you out in getting rid of him. He's been bothering you for a long time, ne?" she asked, her casualness with things was almost a comfort. I stared down at her smiling expression before I even responded. Yes, she still had that smile. And yes, she was still as beautiful as before. 

I would've drowned myself again if only those words did not register. What did she say? I blinked. "H-Hai…how did you know?" She knew Imonu was bothering me? 

Now, it's her turn to blush. "A-Anou…there were times when I would go to Yusuke's school and I would pass you by…and…" she looked down, her cheeks turning a few more shades of red. She started playing with her shoes, tapping them alternately down the pavement as she tried to avoid my gaze. 

I smiled. I smiled as I watched her fidget in her place, smiled as I stared down at the cute way she would play with her fingers in an attempt to divert her attention to something else. So, did that mean that she was watching me then? Not to be a bit egotistic, but I can't help but being honored with that. Whether or not it meant something, I'm not sure. But I was happy. 

She was still trying to avoid my stare. Well, I suppose I've been staring a bit too much anyway. I shook my head, our awkwardness almost a bit too much to bear. But she forgave me. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that I'm not worth her time and understanding, I still can't help the joy I felt when she said those words. Call me naïve, but I'm just too moped out in my own dark world that such a little thing had cost so much. She spoke to me. I couldn't believe it. 

Botan and I are talking again. 

She somehow got over her shyness and suddenly jumped up, hitting her palm with her fist. "Oh no! I just remembered!" she exclaimed, looking over to where we had left Kuwabara. "Kuwabara-kun! We have to go!" she called, waving an arm up to catch Kuwabara's attention. The latter finally snapped out of his shock from the earlier "show" I had displayed, and started running towards us. I chuckled. I suppose he was able to understand what I had earlier explained. 

"Baka Kurama! So you mean you only said that Botan here is your girlfriend because you want him to go away, and so he wouldn't go bothering Botan, right?" he suddenly asked, looking at me while he pointed at Botan. 

I merely blinked, looking back at him in mild puzzlement. "Uh…Kuwabara-san…" 

"Kuwabara-kun, we have to find Yusuke!" Botan said, running up to the gate as she gestured us to follow quickly. 

Kuwabara snapped out again, hitting his palm as Botan earlier did. He then turned to me and grasped my shoulder a bit to violently in a frenzied haste. "Kurama! You HAVE to help us! Yusuke's kidnapped!!!" 

I stilled. "_Nani_?!"   
  


I looked down the letter, clutching it a bit too tightly in my hands. "But…Yusuke is strong enough to take care of himself." I was saying it more to myself than to anybody. I was surprised to find out that Yusuke was taken, especially when Botan said that those who took him were humans. Surely, Yusuke was stronger than that, wasn't he? 

We were walking in an overpass now, with me still contemplating on the concept of a human stronger than Yusuke, with Botan remaining quiet by my side as she watched Kuwabara grumble things about Hiei. That was when I remembered. According to the letter, they want Kuwabara and I, together with Hiei, to come to them. I was actually surprised that they know who Hiei and I are. I frowned. Had we been that careless? 

"That stupid shrimp! I bet he's lost and looking for his way home!!!" Kuwabara yelled in frustration as he scanned the city He leaned on the rails, keeping still and silent as he looked around. But much to our horror, he suddenly took a deep breath and…"HIIIIEEEEEEEEEEIIIII!!!" 

I took a step back. Botan panicked. A few pedestrians below us looked up, their gazes mainly focused on Kuwabara It seems as though Kuwabara had developed a somehow ridiculous search method for all of us. First in my school, now the whole city? But sad to say, he was oblivious to all of that as he tried in vain to call for Hiei. And knowing Hiei, he wouldn't come out because of this. I think he'd even be amused and would let Kuwabara worry even more if he finds it interesting to watch. 

"Kuwabara-kun, stop that!" Botan exclaimed, trying to pull Kuwabara away from the rails. She was doing it in vain though, Kuwabara was trying to pull himself free from her grasp and settled on shouting even louder. "Kuwabara-kun, I swear! If Koenma-sama finds out…" she paused, seeming to have remembered something. Indeed, I supposed she had, for her eyes brightened a bit despite the lights of the city as she let Kuwabara go in an instant. "That's it! I remember!" she said happily, abruptly facing me. "When Yusuke became a spirit detective, Koenma-sama gave us a few gadgets that may help in missions. Maybe we could use that!" 

Kuwabara glared at her. "You mean you actually HAVE something of use and you didn't tell us?!" 

She grinned sheepishly. "Gomen! I'll go get them, go on without me. I'll just meet you two later, okay?" she said, and started to run in another direction. 

Kuwabara and I stared at her retreating back as she went down the steps down the overpass. I sighed. Kuwabara tilted his head to one side, a spark of confusion playing in his narrowed eyes. "Oi…Kurama, did she even try to tell us where to meet?"   
  


"Gomen!!!" 

I shook my head as Botan repeatedly bowed apologetically in front of us, her things lying sprawled beside her as she did so. That's right, we lost our precious little time looking for each other again, but really, it was no big deal. It was only a matter of minutes, Botan found us from above well enough, even if Kuwabara was in near panic. And he was not pleased, he was exasperated as he continuously scolded her about several points, which, I must say, I need not mention for their absurdity. 

I sighed. I was patiently watching them as Botan finally got tired of apologizing and most probably got tired of Kuwabara's ranting. She glared at him and hit him with her oar, quickly dodging Kuwabara's falling form as she headed towards me with her case. "Gomen, oh great sir, I'll just look for someone at least_ human _enough to understand that I _too_ make mistakes!" her voice was sarcastic and mocking as she threw them at Kuwabara. I thought I heard a faint, "That much?!" from Kuwabara before he got hit with the oar again. My head momentarily dropped wearily at the antics they were pulling, only to look up to see her smiling at me. "Here they are!" 

I watched her set her things down on the ground. I followed suit and crouched across from her as she pulled out a few objects from the case. Kuwabara seemed to have regained consciousness again as he quickly positioned himself to see as well. 

"Uhm…this compass can find a youkai specifically if you put in the right data. We can make use of a hair or nail, anything!" Botan said, holding up a tiny black, spherical gadget with red arrows in the middle. I stared at it as she handed it to me. 

"Good, good. Do you have anything that belongs to Hiei?" I asked. 

"Er…not exactly." She replied dejectedly. 

I raised an eyebrow. "…I see. So what do you intend to do then?" 

"Uhm…this ring!" she exclaimed, holding up a ring between her fingers after she quickly snatched the compass from me. "It can help us…er…well, it doesn't exactly meet the purpose…ah, forget that!" 

"Uh, sure." A sweatdrop had run down my head. Kuwabara slapped himself and shook his head. 

"A-Anou…! There's a remote…" 

"Don't tell me, a remote that'll control Hiei's tiny _brain_ if ever he has any, right?" 

I sweatdropped. "Kuwabara..." 

"Oi, Kurama! Tell that pea-sized pal of yours that if Yusuke dies on this, I'm gonna get his neck! Yes! ONLY his neck, 'cause I'm gonna shove his goddamned empty head right back so he'd hang around Makai looking like a dumb, neckless, idiot!!!" 

I shook my head and turned to Botan. "So, what does the remote do again?" 

But she was thinking, pouting actually as she eventually tossed the remote aside. "Uhm…I don't know! I knew should've listened to Koenma-sama a bit more!." 

"Uh, Botan, we don't have all night." 

"Hai, hai! Gomen!" 

I can't help but sigh in exasperation, placing a bit of pressure on my temples to ease the headache. And as I glanced at my side and at Kuwabara, it looks as though he's going through the same frustration as I was. I can't believe it really, just a while ago, Botan and I could barely move around each other. But now…this! This little search for Hiei had pushed all things between us aside, me knowing how to look at her again, her knowing how to act naturally with me. I don't know whether or not I should thank Botan's habit of having people in circles, but in a selfish way, yes, I'm thanking it. And I'm thanking the situation as well. In a rather in-denial state, I'm also thanking Yusuke for getting kidnapped. 

She rummaged through her things again, and I had to hide a sigh as I watched. Heavens, Kuwabara's already praying for a miracle now. Not that I'm saying that I didn't like it, I was rather amused. But in a situation like this, let's say we were running out of time. But it does give me a good excuse to look at her and talk to her so…nevermind. Yusuke's in danger, I shouldn't let petty schoolboy feelings bother me at a time like this! But still... 

"Botan…" 

"There should be something in here, I swear!" 

I sighed again, shaking my head slowly. But even through all these frustration, I still can't help the slight curving of my lips. I must be going mad, only by reminding myself over and over that Yusuke was in danger could I help myself from laughing out loud. And by the look that Kuwabara's giving, he looked like he's going to be really confused if ever I had any plan of laughing at all. But still I gave the situation its well-deserved (in a manner of speaking) smile. Oh Botan, I love you, but sometimes I tend to ask myself if ever I'd understand this side of your thoughts. 

"I found it!" 

"I bet Yusuke's dead by now..." 

I glanced over at Kuwabara, who seems to be more than impatient to get out of the place, casting Botan a very bored look. I shook my head again. 

She ignored him. "This whistle can be heard from miles if someone with a strong ki would blow on it. With my ki, I might probably be able to blow it as far as one mile," she explained, showing us a silver whistle. It gleamed against the city lights, swaying to and fro from the strings attached to it. It was rather simple really, but the clean, smooth surface made up for its simplicity. "Okay, cover your ears, this'll be painful." 

Kuwabara and I merely stared at it, obeying Botan's order and covered our ears. She poised it to her lips and blew. She was right, the sound was deafening, but it seems as though Kuwabara wasn't able to hear it. He had let go of his ears, looking around us as the whistle went on in its shrill cry. I glanced over to Botan who finally lost her breath, panting slightly as she looked around. 

She frowned, her arm falling dismally beside her. "No Hiei." 

Just as she said this, a gentle rustling was heard from behind her, only to be followed by a low thud. We glanced back behind Botan, seeing a certain dark-haired figure behind a tree, muttering curses as he rubbed his head in obvious irritation. "WHAT in the name of HELL was THAT?!"   
  


Kaitou. 

So he was one of them. 

I never would've thought I'd meet him here. And I never would've thought he'd come this far. I glared at him, not being able to help myself as I watched him look down at the souls of my friends in his hand. He was saying something, but I was too much in a rage to actually listen to all of them. We were seated in the middle of the room, with him being able to win Hiei's, Kuwabara's and Botan's souls in his little territorial game. 

"Ne, Minamino. Don't you think a girl's spirit is pretty?" he asked suddenly amidst his other statements. This one certainly caught me aback, the question registering on my mind. A girl's spirit? 

My glare sharpened, and I felt my fingers tense as I held my calm. My lips pursed in a thin line, my teeth trying to bite my tongue to keep me from saying anything that might further harm them. But I felt awful, the sudden sickness in my stomach was almost unbearable as I watched him twirl one orb in his hand, his eyes reflecting menace before he joined it up with the other two again. A girl's spirit. He was talking about Botan. He was _playing_ with Botan. 

"Would you like me to play with them for a while Minamino? How about if I shake this girl's gorgeous soul, I wonder what would happen…" He was about to take a hold of Botan's soul again when… 

"Stop." 

And he did, his eyes looking up from the rim of his thick glasses to look at me. "Eh? What's that, Minamino?" 

I felt my eyebrow twitch furiously as I forced myself to be calm. "Don't you dare. Or else." 

It was a simple threat, but it did the trick. He tensed a little, only to lean forward in mild interest as he looked at me straight in the eye. "I see, so I finally saw you angry. You were always the calm in school." 

"Shut up," much as I tried to regain my composure, he was talking a bit too much that it irritates me. I want to defeat him somehow, I want to get out of his territory. The smell was unbearable, the heat was unbearable, and the fact that he held three precious items in his hand didn't help me at all. "Your territory, can the rules be changed?" 

"Hm? What do you mean?" 

"I mean, the forbidden word, it can be changed, can't it?" I asked, a tiny hope of victory forming in my head. 

He smiled proudly, leaning on his free hand. "Of course, I can do pretty much anything I want in my territory." 

I nodded. "Look, we're wasting time in here. We both know that neither of us is going to say the word. If you would allow me, I bet you that I can defeat you in 45 minutes, that is, if you let me decide on the rules." 

He raised one eyebrow as he looked at me suspiciously. Although, the little flick of curiosity and interest didn't remain invisible to me. I grinned inwardly, straightening myself up as I waited for his answer. Kaitou has always been the one who loved challenges. But I wasn't exactly sure whether or not my plan would work, but I had to come up with a way that would trigger Kaitou's attention. 

I looked down to stare at three orbs, their inner light playing around the bright confines of their sphere. Hiei was the first one to have been caught. There was no surprise in that from me really, he was always the one who can't stand rules, I knew he wouldn't last. Kuwabara was next. And Botan had been caught either out of sheer carelessness or her instinct to argue and fight for Kuwabara. But either way, I didn't mind, that was Botan. And I'll be doing this for them. 

"Have you decided?" I asked. 

Kaitou looked at me. "So…what if I win in this little game of yours, huh?" 

I took a deep breath, uncertain of my decision. But as I looked at the floating soul of my best friend, my comrade…and especially that of the one I love, I knew that there was no turning back now. My gaze fixed itself upon Botan's soul specifically, the dim glow almost hypnotizing me. I've had her friendship back, I've had _her_ back, and I'm not going to lose her again just because of Kaitou. 

"If you win…" 

No. I'll never lose her again. _Never_. 

"My soul is yours." 

**End of chapter 11**   
  


  
  
  


  
  


  


  
  


  
  
  



	13. Destiny 12

Destiny 

Standard disclaimers apply; Yu Yu Hakusho and all mentioned characters are not mine. This took a while compared to the other chapters, so sorry, I'm a little bit on the confused side right now ^-^' I think it's because it's hard putting Botan in a sad part of the story, she's almost always seen laughing. Anyway, chapter is done in Botan's point of view. 

Warning! Major sap in this chapter, guess I have to thank Rav-chan for that! *bursts out laughing and waves at Raven* It's not exactly the way it should go, in fact, I never really knew what would happen but, *points at hands* they have a different brain, remember? ^_~ This chapter is supposed to be about friendship but…*looks down at chapter* er…*cough* I have no idea how it went to THAT! They just went on their own ^_^ Also, Kurama's OOC, but hey, who knows what's he's like when he's in love, ne? ^_~ (Yech! That sounded MAJORLY sappy! *bonks head on wall*)

Chapter 12 

   By the time I was able to open my eyes, I met with the worse headache I've had ever since I could remember. I sat up and brought a hand up to my head, wincing as I felt my head a bit shaken. 

   "Are you hurt?"

   I looked up, and met with the biggest, warmest green eyes I ever remembered setting my sights upon that it was difficult not to lose myself in speechless staring. I forced myself to look away, shaking my head to wake myself up from the daze I felt. "I-I don't know, my head hurts," I muttered, considering whether or not I should take the hand that was being offered to me. I still wasn't used to being close to him, I still felt uneasy. Yet my body thought otherwise. Seeing how I'm unable to stand on my own feet at the moment, I knew I needed the aid. 

   Kurama pulled me up, guiding me to sit down on a nearby chair. "Your body is in shock from being separated from the spirit, you might be feeling sick." He smoothed up my hair from my eyes, and I'll be a fool if I say this didn't make me blush. But he seemed oblivious of my reaction as he reached up behind his hair and pulled out a single leaf. He held it in front of my seemingly dry, closed mouth, ushering me to take it in. "Chew this and let it stay between your teeth, it'll help the nausea."

   I nodded my head once, wincing again as I felt a sudden sickness in my stomach build up. Without hesitation, I took the leaf in my hand, crushed it and brought it inside my mouth. The taste was bitter, that I couldn't help stopping myself from chewing it and just quickly hid it between my teeth. I don't know why the dizziness stopped, whether it was really the effect or my brain just stopped working from the awful taste. But either way, I was thankful, despite the taste. 

   He nodded his head after I steadied, signaling that I had done what he told me. He then stood up and headed for the table. Two shining orbs floated above the surface, and Kurama took these in his hands. My eyes flew behind me, as a gasp escaped from my lips when I saw Kazuma-kun and Hiei still as cold as statues. 

   Then I remembered. Kaitou's territory. The forbidden word.

   I remembered. Hiei was the first one taken, then Kazuma-kun, then me. I sat motionless in my seat, all in all ashamed of my carelessness. After all, I just had to be stupid enough to slip the word out. Hiei-kun was there to see how Kaitou's ability works, Kazuma-kun didn't know that saying it silently is forbidden. It was I who was the ditzy one who said it out loud. Without thinking even. 

   Soft, light laughter sounded through the enclosed room and cut through my thoughts. I frowned and turned my back, looking over at Kurama as his laughter grew louder, his back to me. "What?!" I asked, irritated, gritting my teeth to keep the leaf between my teeth. 

   He shook his head. "Nothing," he stopped laughing, stood still, then turned around to look at me. His eyes were soft, a small smile still lingering in his lips. "Don't think about it much, you were worried about Kuwabara," he said, Kazuma and Hiei's spirits still in his hands. He looked at them for a moment, a tiny tinge of worry in his eyes. 

   I lowered my gaze. Despite his reassurance, I still felt guilty about leaving him alone like that. I was supposed to stay with him, but idiot Botan-chan just can't keep her mouth shut, can she? I shook my head and sighed. I stood up and went over a garbage bin, getting rid of the bitter leaf from my mouth. It worked, I didn't feel as sick as I was before. I went back to my seat and hugged myself. "I wonder how Yusuke's doing."

   "He'll be all right," he said, almost confidently. I turned back to him and saw him lowering Kazuma and Hiei's spirit orbs into their respective bodies. 

   I blinked, watching the spirits penetrate through the body. The thought of having the spirits mixed up crossed me and made me laugh. I wonder what Hiei would say when he finds out he's inside Kazuma-kun. 

   I was Kurama shook his head, joining me in his silent way of laughing. "The spirits have respective bodies, Botan, they can't get mixed up."

   I 'hmphed', glaring at him as he waited for the two to wake up. "Stop reading my thoughts!"

   He laughed again. "I can't help it, I guess I can somehow figure out what you're thinking of."

   I frowned, my eyes lowering again. It was silence again, enveloping us in its heart-braking coldness. I stole a glance of Kurama crouching down to attend to Kazuma-kun and Hiei, quietly watching over them both. I felt my lips tremble, my hands clutching my arms in a tighter hug. 

   Kurama. He knows me well it seems. Has it been so long? 

   I looked up at the sound of Kazuma's yawning and the low grunt Hiei usually gives out when he's hurt. I saw Kazuma-kun sit up first, holding his head with one eye tightly shut in an obvious wince. He looked up at Kurama, then me, then Kurama again. He then looked at his hands. "Whoa! I'm alive!"

   Hiei grunted again. He was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling as he tried to catch his breath. He didn't even look at Kazuma-kun. "Baka. We're not supposed to die yet."

   Kazuma-kun started, grabbing Hiei by his neckline and glared at him. "What did you call me, you dumb koorime?!"

   Hiei returned the glare and slapped Kazuma's hands away. "Baka, you baka! Are you as deaf as you are dumb?"

   Kazuma was about to jump on Hiei when Kurama caught him by the arm. "Enough Kuwabara, Yusuke's still waiting for us."

   Kazuma-kun blinked, looking down at Kurama, then turned around to look around the room. "Hell of a green thumb you've got, Kurama."

   I didn't know how I missed it at first, but there were plants all around us, the room was almost flooded with them. Argh! Baka Botan-chan, you _really_ need to have your brain examined. I shook my head and just settled on watching Kazuma-kun burrow his way around the plants, pushing them back and stepping into them as if looking for something. "Oi, Kurama! Kaitou's here!"

   Hiei rolled his eyes and stepped closer to Kurama. "We should go."

   Kurama nodded. He called Kazuma and led us towards the door. I followed silently. I looked at Kurama, and then to Kazuma-kun and Hiei, who were still obviously still in a daze. Hiei was doing well enough on his own though, but Kazuma-kun kept on alternating his head from side to side, probably looking for the right position. I waited for Kurama to offer him the same medicine, but it didn't seem that he was planning to do so. 

   I sweatdropped. 

   Yuu-chan and Kazuma-kun are still shocked when they found out that it was all Genkai-baasan's doing. Kurama wasn't the least bit surprised since he was actually expecting it, and Hiei, he didn't look like he cared at all. And Hiei also, left when Koenma-sama said that he was just a class-B type of youkai. Koenma-sama said that Hiei must've been disappointed.

   Genkai-baasan clapped her hands to call our attention. "It's a bit late, so we'll settle ourselves in here, all right?"

   Kazuma-kun jumped back, his face filled with horror. "NANI?! But I can't sleep without a pillow!" he screeched. He then turned to me. "Ne, Botan-chan, mind if I use you as a pillow?"

   I felt a vein pop as my fist mechanically met with his face, hearing a few of his teeth break beneath my punch. I was still fuming as he fell down unconscious on the floor, sprawled a little bit on the ungraceful side. I held my chin up. "Pervert! I took care of your sleeping problems for you!" 

   Yusuke had to hold me down to keep me from kicking Kazuma's heap for a fallen body. He dragged me by the arm and, to my horror and surprise, pushed me to Kurama. I stumbled towards him, Yusuke purposely meant to do that, that he _had_ to catch me lest I fall flat on the floor. "There! YOU take care of her, I don't like sleeping next to Botan lest I get myself a kick on the face or a punch if ever Keiko-chan finds out!" He grinned and waved at us, snickering on his way as he ran around the room table to settle himself on the wall across from us. 

   I was about to throw something at Yusuke when I felt a warm hand hold my wrist firmly but gently, asking me to look up at who it was that held me. I blushed, remembering who it was that I was pushed to, remembering who it was who held me. I didn't look up. 

   Kurama pulled me away, laying a hand up to my shoulder to calm me down. But as far as I'm concerned, I was already too much into bursting into hysterics, he need not ask me to settle down, I'm unable to talk even if my life depended on it. But Kurama, he was still cool and composed as he settled me down on a nearby corner. Even if I was a bit uneasy, I had to admit that he had positioned me quite comfortably enough for sleep. He crouched in front of me and smiled. "Are you sleepy?" he asked gently, thoughtfully lowering his voice to keep the others from waking up. 

   I looked up at him and realized that I wasn't. My heartbeat was too fast, like a madly beating drum that I doubted can put me to sleep. I shook my head. "I'm fine. But I'm not yet sleepy though."

   Kurama shrugged and sat beside me, pulling one knee up and wound an arm around it as he leaned his head back against the wall. "I'm tired, but strange as it may sound, I'm not sleepy either," he said, closing his eyes but opening them momentarily. He sighed, looked around at the others, then tilted his head to look at me, lowering his voice to a whisper. "Ne, mind if we talk for a while?"

   I was still feeling uneasy sitting here with him, but I nodded. I was hesitant, but I can't help it. I really wanted to talk to him as well. I felt like I needed to, even if I don't know _what_ to talk about at all. But I guess I needed to assure myself that everything was all right. I was never used to feeling uneasy around anybody before, yet I never felt as safe, as _right_, with anybody else except for Kurama either. It was as if I was always meant to be with him, whether or not it was from his hold or just plain having him with me, I didn't care. I tried to stay away, but something was always pulling me to him. 

   We were silent at first, neither of us spoke for a few minutes. I was the one who broke the silence. "Kurama? Are you angry with me?"

   He raised an eyebrow at me, his lips curving up to a small smile. "Would I be asking you talk if I am?" he asked, an amused smile playing on his face. I couldn't help keeping my stare this time, and I let myself look at him straightly now. Yes, he was still as beautiful as he was then. I don't know if it was just me or something else, but I thought I saw a glint of his golden eyes beneath those emerald ones, that I had to blink myself away from them before I lose it again. 

   "It's…" I started, lowering my eyes to hands. "It's just that, I still…" 

   _I still love you._

   But I couldn't say it. I kept myself silent, my lips trembling as I felt the tiny tinge of heated tears in my eyes. _I tried Kurama, I really did. But I can't get rid of it. I'll understand it if you'll hate me, but I'll never turn my back to you._ _I love you._

   I felt his eyes one me. "Botan?"

   I shook my head, forcing my earlier thoughts at the back of my mind. "N-Nothing. Nevermind, it was nothing."

   Silence again. Funny how the irony of it all kept me from laughing. I was always the happy one, and I was always the one who has all the things to say. Goodness, it was my big mouth's fault why I was even caught in Kaitou's territory in the first place! But now, I felt like I had nothing to say. There was nothing else to say to him, lest I want my tongue to slip again and completely lose him when I just had him back. I should just feel happy that he was here with me again. But no. I was miserable. 

   "Gomen."

   I looked up, surprised. "W-What's that?"

   His eyes were firmly set on the ground, his hand clenched into a tight fist. He seemed to be shaking. "I'm sorry, it was my fault."

   I was confused. I straightened myself to look at him. "Kurama?"

   He really _was_ shaking. His fist trembled in a violent frenzy as he suddenly hit the wall beside him, letting his head fall limply as if in defeat. "Everything!" he hissed, his hair hiding his eyes from me. "Everything, ever since the beginning. All of it was my fault. I never should've come back, I should've just let my spirit linger in Makai for eternity! I never should've hoped that I'd have it all back!" 

   I was confused that I felt the tears stinging my eyes. I never wanted so much to hold him, to tell him that it was all right, but I was afraid. I hesitated, only leaning a few inches closer to him, but not touching. I tried calling him again. "Kurama-kun…"

   In one quick move, he had me in a tight embrace, his face buried in the crook of my neck as he held me to him as if I'd push him away. He was still trembling, as I felt every bit of his tremor underneath my skin. "But I was selfish…" he whispered, his voice muffled by my clothes and by his soft sobs. "I never should've tried…" 

   I was so confused, yet so afraid of what was happening that I finally let the tears fall. "What do you mean? I don't understand---"

   "Why do you think I escaped from my death anyway? Do you think I'm _that_ conceited? My life has always been useless, I was actually waiting for death to come! I've always wished for something better, and I thought that I can never find it in my lifetime that I just wished that I'd die every single day of my life!"

   He was angry, but his eyes told me that his anger wasn't directed to me. My eyes softened, pleading that he'd explain what he was trying to say. But he shook his head. 

   "But by the time I met this ferry girl, it all changed. I felt like I can _be with her, that the heavens have finally realized that I deserved something more than just being a feared thief in those cursed realms. But I was wrong. I was never meant to be with her, and now everything's turned upside-down and I don't know what to do. And it's __all my fault! I was so stupid to even think there could be anything else."_

   Even before I could tell him anything, he pulled away and gazed at me, his eyes burying themselves deeper into my own. "I never cry, Botan, I never remembered an instant that I had. I've never been afraid."

   Now, I was crying. I didn't know what to do, didn't know how to comfort him. _If only you'd tell me what's wrong. "Demo…Kurama, I---"_

   But I was cut off when I felt his lips on mine, surprising me to the point of a breathless shock. I blinked away the tears and just let myself melt into his kiss, whispering prayers to the skies to let this moment last. But I knew it never will. And I knew it was never meant to happen in the fist place. When I thought I could be completely lost, he pulled away. 

   He stood up and closed his eyes, wiping away the last drop of tear that lingered on my cheek. "I can never be anything to you. You shouldn't cry, everything was my fault." 

   That was the last thing he said to me. And then he left. 

   Memories kept rushing back

   _Help!!!_

_   Wait! Help me, please!_

_   You're bleeding._

_   It's none of your business._

_   Are you sure about this?_

_   I was crying again, staring blankly at the closed door from where Kurama had left. I dared not follow, and I hugged myself from the sudden coldness that I felt from his loss. _

   I shook my head. 

   _You're wrong Kurama. I was supposed to be the dead one, you were the one who gave my life back. I never should've asked. _

_   It was my fault._

End of chapter 12 


	14. Destiny 13

Destiny

Standard disclaimers apply; Yu Yu Hakusho and all mentioned characters are not mine. Chapter done in Kurama's point of view. 

*looks down at previous chapter* I can't believe I was serious when I said that that was chapter 12! Kurama-sama's _really _OOC there, wasn't he? Anyway, better make this one good, lest I completely kill myself from all the bonks I'm doing here on this here wall*taps good ol' bloody wall beside her* Mr. Wall here's my best friend and my inspiration and he punishes me for my crap! *bursts out laughing* Comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated, thank you! 

Got this from a review. Sorry for the Japanese words, I've collected some that I must've written, here they are ^_^ Maybe I should quit using Japanese, but they just sound better when said like these. My opinion anyway ^_^'

_Baka_ - Idiot  
_Nani_ - What  
_Ne_ - used to call someone's attention, like or ; also used as (for questions like I'm making sense, _ne_?) ; also used as an assurance, like (similar with my mom saying, Do be a good girl and take your medication, _ne_?)  
_Gomen_ - I'm sorry  
_Demo_- But  
_Chan_- Added to names of people that are either younger or the same age  
K_un_- Same with _–chan_ _  
Gambatte yo/ne _– Good luck   
_Okaasan_ – Mother   
_Reikai – _Spirit World  
_Makai – _Alternate / Demon World  
_Ningenkai -_Human World

Chapter 13

****

I feel tired. 

Why? I don't know. 

Maybe because I just fought Sensui and lost, or maybe it was the thought that even Hiei and Kuwabara lost as well. Whether it was from the lack of power I was currently feeling, or the fact that I was lying on my back and was too weak to attempt to sit up, I'm not sure. Or maybe it was because my lungs felt like they were on fire that I could barely breathe, the pain too much to bear that I almost felt myself suffocate. 

It was Makai again, my old home, the place I've always ran around in. The place was distinctly familiar, the old terrains, changed slightly by the years that had gone by. The sky was still that never ending dark cloud that sprouted lightning and thunder here and there, striking through ignorant trees, youkai and grounds at random. The winds were just as strong, their howls just as enchanting. 

Yes, I remember this place. 

This was where we first met. And if I am correct, my old lair was just right about near my left, down the steep cliff. I wonder if Li was still alive? What had happened to him when I died? Was my old pack still the same, or did they finally decided to split up and go on to their separate ways? After all, I _was_ the leader, and having a leader dead could almost make a pack completely useless. 

It almost made me laugh out loud, how frustrated I was back then when I first met her, wanting her yet not knowing what to do with her. It's not that I didn't know what I wanted, it was a physical desire that was very much common to a lot of youkai such as myself. 

The problem was that she was from Reikai. 

Reikai and Makai are two worlds that don't exactly get along. It had been long before when Reikai stopped caring what Makai does and only focused its attention to Ningenkai. As for Makai, it doesn't and never did care much about Reikai in the first place anyway. 

But it wasn't long when I myself had confirmed my suspicions about Reikai. I went to Koenma, asking him questions that I had first intended to be indirect, mostly about my files and how much Reikai knew about me. But I could hardly care what my records contained, all I really wanted to know was about Botan, and if there was a possibility for us to be together. 

I didn't mean to be naïve, but I suppose I hadn't been able to help myself. Curiosity, confusion and perhaps desire to possess her like I used to were too much of burdens to just be ignored. But don't get me wrong, I never tried to take her physically, although much as I try not to think about it, it was the first thing that drew me to her. Li almost choked me to death for letting such opportunities pass when he found out that I let her go, but no, I respect her enough to keep everything to myself. 

Once and for all, I wanted to know. 

And yet, as much as I tried to conceal my true purpose, Koenma had his suspicions. 

_ What about the relationship of Reikai and Makai?_

Supposedly, that was a very vast question, knowing Reikai, they must've had rules somehow about it. There could've been rules about past experiences the two world had, rules about youkai being a part of the staff and all those kinds of things. But Koenma's answer was direct, surprising me beyond what I had expected from him. 

_ It's forbidden for ferry girls to be with a person from Makai, if that's your question. _

I was silent after that, wondering how Koenma could've come up with the idea. Not that it wasn't true though. I barely listened to him explain things about ferry girls coming from Ningenkai, and much likely it's the main difference between them and the other Reikai staff. I heard everything, but I understood nothing, weighing consequences upon consequences, on the what ifs' and everything else my mind comes across with. No, all I saw was Koenma's lips moving, only hearing his words yet not taking them in. I understood nothing. 

Koenma further explained how he came up with his suspicion, saying something about overhearing other girls from his office. It seems as though Botan had suffered severely when she found out that I was dead, doing everything wrong, drowning herself in a private depression that most of the staff seemed to have noticed then. 

It was funny in it's own way, how her beautiful eyes widened in shock during the Ankonku Bujutsuukai. I never knew what she thought of me, only that her small cheer of Gambatte yo and how she had said my name with the friendly changed what I thought of the battle itself. 

I had won, but plainly because I wanted to think, again Koenma's warnings and explanations muddled up in my head, mixed up with the confusion and the mess that happened when she saw me. The truth had been laid bare to her right then and there, with me in the midst of a battle I could barely win. 

I remembered myself asking Koenma to keep Botan from finding out. I had asked him if he would prevent Botan from seeing my final battle, thus all in all letting me keep my secret. It would've been possible, even until now, if it didn't happen, she will never know. 

Whatever possessed Koenma to bring her nonetheless was beyond me, and I suppose I'm blaming him for the mess I knew I was responsible for. I guess I was blaming him now because I didn't want to take responsibility of everything, I didn't want to drown myself in guilt for the confusion I must've brought her. Maybe she even forgot me already, or at least trying to move on. 

Did she think me cruel? For showing up like this again? 

Yes, I could almost laugh. I tilted my head to once side, my golden eyes passing through my disheveled mane of silver, past my pale hands and to the tall frame of Sensui as he looked down upon all of us. Hiei and Kuwabara were listening to him say thing I could barely hear despite my youko ears. Or was it because I didn't want to listen?

I closed my eyes, finally letting out the sarcastic laugh I was trying to suppress from the start. I laughed at my fate, my irony, I laughed for being the fool and the pawn in my own schemes. I laughed at the memory of me breaking down in front of her, of how pathetic I must've look. I laughed and laughed, laughed at myself, laughed despite the tears that had started to sting inside my closed eyes. 

I thought of Sensui, and laughed again as his words swam about my head. 

Sensui finally stopped talking after he heard me, with Hiei and Kuwabara staring at me with confused eyes. I didn't know what I was saying, but I think I heard my own voice rising up to take all of their attention. Why don't you just finish this instead of yapping things I could barely understand? You killed Yusuke, aren't you going to kill us too?

Sensui himself laughed, and again I barely heard him say something about finishing us all, but giving me the pleasure of being the first so I wouldn't see my friends die in front of me. Something about bravery I think. I could care less.

_See Botan? I can make your life straight and happy again, you can forget about the mysterious youkai whom you thought you loved. You're a good ferry girl, Koenma is proud of you. Forget me, doing so, maybe I can make you smile again._

I suddenly thought of Okaasan, and it made me feel worse. I had loved her more than I had ever loved myself, I could hardly care if I die now, knowing that I will be taking away the danger I had set upon her ever since I lived as her son. 

But what would she say when she found out that Shuuichi-kun was lost, I wonder? Will she cry? Will she think I left her? 

_Okaasan, I've made such a mess out of your life. I've killed Shuuichi long ago, even before you saw his face. I've made you sad, and through the years I've tried to take care of you. _

__

_ Be happy with Hatanaka, I know you two will be together. He loves you and you love him, I've known that ever since you first told me about him. He has a son named Shuuichi too, ne? I heard he's really smart, maybe he can be _your _Shuuichi now._

__

_ Forgive me, okaasan, I guess I won't be your son anymore. I guess this would be the price I have to pay for stealing the _real_ Shuu-chan from you, isn't it? _

__

_ My life is such a mess okaasan, you've almost died because of me more than once. You're better off without me. _

__

My eyes left Sensui's form as he walked slowly towards me. I closed my eyes and sighed.

_Kurama!_

I could feel Hiei's eyes on me, hearing his voice over and over in my head asking, _What's with you, kitsune? Have you gone mad?!_

__

I laughed again. _Hiei, you've read my thoughts? Sensui will kill me, it's a narrow choice but try to strike him again. If you succeed, do something about okaasan, ne?_

Hiei glared at me and continued to ask several other questions, of concern concealed in insults, but I just shook my head, not replying to him the same way he tried talking to me. I didn't respond through my head anymore, just closing my eyes to cover up any other thought that he tried to come my way.

I moved my head to one side so I can look at him, smiling up at him with that same bitter way I had laughed. He had been my best friend, and as I awaited Sensui to finish what he had started and kill me, I tried reaching up to him. My trembling hand barely reached his face, my eyes barely open to look at him for long. He was staring at me with widened eyes, shock, anger and confusion all in there. Is this the way I'll remember you, Hiei?

Gomen Hiei, I guess this is goodbye.

**End of chapter 13**


	15. Destiny 14

Destiny

Standard disclaimers apply; Yu Yu Hakusho and all mentioned characters are not mine. Chapter done in Botan's point of view. This is the fourth revised version of chapter 14 *sweatdrops*, I'm sick of the drama and I can't seem to figure out how to cut it out. So, that said, I think it would be my excuse for the long delay ^_^' Comments, suggestions and all sort of violent reaction are very much welcome! - blackcape@edsamail.com.ph

Chapter 14

What was taking them so long? 

I've been biting my lip and nails for the past hour, waiting in anticipation for all of them to come out. I've taken Shizuru and Keiko with me, but worried that Yusuke and Kuwabara might get angry with me. But I can't blame the girls, I know that they're worried about them as much as I am, and I knew that I can't keep them away. 

Keiko had been trying to suppress her tears until now, asking me and everybody else about what happened. She kept on asking if Yusuke was all right, when will they be coming back, what if something happened. It was painfully obvious how much Keiko cared for Yusuke, and it just made me all the more dreadful and anxious watching her. 

I had to thank Shizuru for being the one to calm Keiko. I wanted to do it myself, but all I could do was to give Keiko-chan a hug, I didn't what words to tell her. Maybe because I was just as scared myself. I couldn't help thinking about them, Koenma-sama, Yusuke. But now and then I find myself thinking about a certain red-haired young man who I figured just walked out on me the last time we saw each other. 

I'm not denying that I didn't cry. I barely understood what he meant, why he apologized, what was it that he did. And I've long before accepted my feelings for the mysterious man, though remembering how it had been between us, it could hardly make any sense. I've known him for so long, and yet I feel like I have not. I barely knew who he is. He had hidden so much about himself from me, and whenever we do get to talk with each other, it all ends the same way. We break apart. 

I frowned. Was that how we're supposed to be? 

"Botan?" 

I turned my head towards that voice, recognizing it a few seconds after as Shizuru's. I blinked up at her and raised my eyebrows in question. "Hai, Shizuru-chan?"

Shizuru frowned at me. "Botan, I've been calling you four times already. Is something wrong?" she asked. 

Keiko jumped in. "Botan-chan, did something happen?" she cried in a frantic voice, taking a hold of my hands and looked at me with brown eyes that warned me of upcoming tears. It made me admire her really, her never-ending concern for Yusuke even if they do have the tendency to fight three-fourths of the time. 

Though much as Yusuke and Keiko pretend that they hate each other at times, it just makes their bond all the more closer and tighter. I envied them then, but don't get me wrong, I was also very much happy for them as well. I suppose it was the dread that I can never have the same happiness that they find in each other. I dreaded that it just might be my destiny to be alone and work for Reikai the remaining time of my oh so long life. 

I used to love my work. But how come that during these past few years, it just seemed...empty? 

I shook my head and forced in a smile. "Daijoubu, Keiko-chan. I'm..." I was cut off, the painful feeling of Yusuke's departure still fresh from my mind. But I shook my head. I should cheer Keiko up, she's my friend, and I don't want her to worry so much. "I'm sure Yusuke is all right." 

I glanced uneasily towards Genkai, who just remained silent in her statue-like state beside us. What I said seemed like a reassurance for all of us, not only for Keiko, but for myself as well. I supposed that I've made it a silent mantra, they're all right, they're all right, they're all right...

I could only wish it were true. 

"Wait, minna, look!" It was Yanagi, one of Genkai's students, who pointed at the cave's entrance, the quiet sounds of footsteps echoing through the place. We all held our breaths in and anticipated the figures that would be coming out after those footsteps. Will it be them, or Sensui and his minions who would announce the end of this mission once and for all? I clenched my hand into a tight fist, willing my mind to stop being such a pessimist and just pray that it was them. 

Suddenly, Keiko moved out beside me and Shizuru and started running towards the cave. "Yusuke!" she cried, flinging herself to a certain, long-haired man who walked between Kuwabara and Hiei, markings of dark blue all over his body. Keiko didn't seem to notice, as she held the figure tightly, tears of undeniable joy in her eyes. 

We all gawked at them both, until finally realizing that it was Yusuke. He had changed, and I thought I heard Genkai say something about "youkai blood" under her breath.

We all ran towards those two, until I stopped in mid-step and looked around for those who were missing. I looked around, narrowing my eyes on the cave entrance. None. I was about to go inside when I heard a familiar voice cry out, "Baka yarou, Kuwabara! I thought you were supposed to carry him out, you bastard!"

Then I heard Kuwabara retort, "Feh, are you kidding me, you little brat?! I've carried Kurama out most of the way, it's about time you guys help me out. You don't expect me to carry him out all the way, do you?!"

Another voice, one that was way more gentle than those that preceded it, yet a bit shaken, sounded. "Sumimasen, Koenma-sama. Really, I'll be fine."

My eyes widened. 

Kurama?

I ran towards the sounds of what seemed to be their hidden footsteps. "Ku--" I stopped. "K-Koenma-sama?" I called out, not finding it in myself to say his name just yet. I felt my eyebrows knit as their footsteps sounded closer and closer, my eyes anticipating their upcoming figures. 

I stopped and backed away for a bit when I saw them come up to the light. Koenma-sama had told me that he might take off his pacifier, and indeed, he appeared without it. What could've happened was beyond me. The next person I saw was none other than Kurama, whom I've been lamenting over the past hours in my head. He had an arm around Koenma-sama, his soiled frame leaning over him. His eyes reflected weakness, and it was obvious from his posture that he was gravely tired. Blood was coming from his temples and limbs, flowing down his neck and torso. A thin, small droplet rolled down his pale lips, his hand coming up from time to time to wipe them away. 

I stood transfixed, my eyes wide at the mere sight. The only sound that woke me up from that stupor was Koenma-sama's authoritative voice calling me. "Botan, come here and help," he said, while holding Kurama's free arm in one of his, a gesture that seemed to tell me that it was to be my place on the other side. 

It took him another call to make me move, and I ran hastily to them, holding Kurama's wrist and moving him to put his arm around me. I felt him stiffen, but he obliged, his weary eyes coming abruptly to look at me for a split second, only to look away soon after. No words were exchanged. 

"What happened?" 

It was Keiko who asked. She came quickly in front of us, looking up at Kurama as she brought out a handkerchief to wipe some of the blood that Kurama had on his face. She looked up at Yusuke, then to Koenma-sama. "What happened?" she repeated, now a bit more loud. 

It was Kuwabara who answered. "He taunted Sensui," he said, giving Kurama a look of disbelief. "I still don't understand what he had in mind, though. I thought he's gone mad!"

Hiei snorted. "At least he had a use. You were the one who was the most useless, all you did was shriek."

"Nani?!" exclaimed Kuwabara, grabbing Hiei by the collar. He glared at the smaller youkai with a fiery glint in his eye. "Like you've done anything yourself! Your kokuryuuha was chicken compared to Sensui's power!"

"Watch your mouth, moron, or I'll cut your tongue myself."

"You little shrimp! I dare you to do that, you---"

"All right, shut up! Shut up!!!" It was Yusuke who went in between the two, whacking them both upside the head. He gestured them to Kurama. "Our dear, psychotic buddy who just recently lost his brain and reason is needing immediate recovery, which means silence and peace," he said, putting a fist on his hip as he glared at the two. "AND I'll be needing him to cut my hair short again because I personally am itching to get away from it." He then turned to Koenma-sama and me. "Can you two please help him?"

Before either of us could answer, Kuwabara went in again. "I still don't get it, Kurama. What was that out there, suicide?" 

I looked at Kurama from the corner of my eyes. I didn't know what happened, but among all of them, he seemed to be the one who was in the worst condition. My brows knitted again from all the frowning, but I couldn't help it. 

Kurama acknowledged Kuwabara with a laugh. 

I don't know if it was just me, but I thought I heard it in a bitter way, a sardonic laughter that rang weakly against the cave walls. The others didn't seem to notice though. Kurama had his eyes hidden behind the thickness of his hair, the smooth strands now stiff from the dried blood that ran down on his forehead.

Keiko must've noticed the way I was looking at Kurama, and handed me her handkerchief, pointing out what I should do with a tilt of her head. I hesitated, but took it anyway and wiped the blood that was about to reach Kurama's eyes. He needed it badly, and I ran the piece of cloth down the other side, making sure that I've had them all. 

Kurama shook his head, moving away from the handkerchief and looked at Kuwabara again. "You could say that," was his reply. He had a smile on his lips that didn't exactly reach his eyes. He cast me a sideway glance, rooting me in my place, stilling my hand from what it was doing until I couldn't stand his look, and I looked away. I heard a faint sound from him before I felt his hand come up to mine, forcing me to look at him again. But he didn't look back, and just took the handkerchief from me and gave it back to Keiko. 

Kuwabara was still blinking, not knowing what to make out of Kurama's reply. I thought I heard Hiei mutter something about a "crazy kitsune" before he turned his back and started walking away. 

"Oi, Hiei! Where're you goin'?" Yusuke asked, running up to the other youkai. 

Hiei looked at him behind his shoulder and replied, "I'm going to rest."

I watched as Yusuke patted Hiei on the head for goodbye, earning himself a few curses from the other guy. The others laughed, but all I could do was give out a small smile, my eyes still cast down. I couldn't grasp what Kurama had meant either, but I felt like he was telling me something by the way he had looked a while ago. 

I looked at him from the corner of my eyes, hundreds of question circling in my mind yet I found myself in silence. He didn't look back, and he kept his eyes on the ground. I knew he knew that was looking, but he didn't move. Was he avoiding me? Was he still angry? 

It was Koenma-sama who broke the uneasy silence between me and Kurama. "All right, you all better go home now, it's late. Kurama," he turned to look down at Kurama, who still had his head cast down. "Let Botan help you with your wounds for now, you're too weak to do so yourself."

Kurama stiffened again, but said nothing. It took him a minute to nod his head, as he let Koenma-sama remove the arm that was currently around my master's shoulder. Koenma-sama guided Kurama to lean on me, which he hesitantly did. I help him shift to a more comfortable position for him, but he refused to move closer and looked like he didn't want me to support him fully. He still tried to stand on both feet. 

Koenma-sama spoke again, noticing Kurama's hesitation. "Kurama, don't be stubborn, you need her help," he said. He then turned to me. "Take care of him, I'll be expecting you tomorrow, all right?"

I think I replied with a quiet, "hai" before Koenma-sama nodded his head. He walked towards the others, probably telling them to go home. Yusuke and the others nodded, and waved at us before leaving. I knew they were all worried about Kurama. Keiko cast us one last look of concern, but one nod from me assured her we'll be fine. 

It was Koenma-sama who I was looking at then. Why was he doing this? I guess he was right, that I may be the best one to heal Kurama's wounds, but I've always known him to be against me and Kurama together. He barely let us talk. Koenma-sama may not have his pacifier, but I know that he had enough power in him to do the job himself. Was he truly weakened by Sensui? Or did he have another purpose for this?

As if reading my thoughts, he turned around and raised a hand to give me a wave. "I trust you, Botan. Good night." This he said as he turned, making his way probably back to Reikai. He didn't even wait for me to reply. 

I felt a cold wind pass us by, causing a sudden chill to run up my arms and back. I saw Kurama wince, though he quickly tried to hide it by looking away. He still looked like he's refusing my help, but kept his silence. It pained me to accept it, even if I knew that it was not the right time to think of such. 

Barely suppressing a disappointed sigh, I removed my hand that supported his chest to produce my oar. I gestured for him to move back and to let me guide him to sit down. "We'll be taking my oar. It's faster this way," I said, helping him on the front. He obediently obliged, and I sat myself beside him and guided him again to lean back on me. 

He hesitated at first, but eventually leaned down to rest his head on the crook of my neck and shoulder, his eyes closing, probably from exhaustion. He tired sigh escaped him, tickling my neck, and I felt myself stiffen. He stilled himself as well, forcing out a raspy "gomen" and shifted a little bit to lessen any more physical contact. 

I was sure that the uneasy touches that we've been having for the past few minutes were bothering him as much as they did me. I frowned again, and shook my head. "It's all right. You're too weak to balance yourself, you might fall off," I said, ushering him to me. I was nervous, touching, talking to him like this as if we were but acquaintances, to try and forget that anything ever happened before because I knew that he needed me right now. But I knew that I shouldn't let any personal feelings bother me. 

A few seconds passed before he finally sat up again to move closer beside me. He placed one arm behind me and fully leaned in, his head resting on where they were before. I felt him close his eyes again, snuggling closer to shift himself on a more comfortable position. 

I willed my oar to float, carefully maneuvering it to a steady flight so Kurama wouldn't have a hard time. We flew above the skies for what seemed like long, uncomfortable minutes before a sudden rush of violent winds created an unsteady turbulence to ensue. I grabbed Kurama's wrist to keep him from falling off, unconsciously hugging him to me as I tried to steady us once again. 

It took me a few minutes to realize our position, with me holding him too closely, my eyes shut and my head rested against his own. But strangely enough, I was comfortable as I was uneasy, that I didn't move from the sudden confusion. I tried to look down to see if he minded, but once again, he was silent. Unmoving. His hand was limp from the wrist I was holding, but I could feel its coldness from where his fingers touched me. 

My cheek rested on his forehead, and I noticed that he had stopped bleeding. He seem to have noticed it as well eventually, and he reached up to touch his temples, only to find that none of the crimson blood were sticking to his fingers. "Nothing," he muttered, a look of disbelief on his face. 

I nodded. "But does it still hurt?" I asked, taking a hesitant hand to touch the spot he just recently did. 

He shook his head once, and I thought I felt him smile. "Not as much as it should," he replied in a quiet whisper. His eyes sank down to a close once again, and his body shifted once to move an inch closer. 

I looked down at him, not knowing what to make out of what he had just said. I was about to ask what he meant, when I realized that his breathing had slowed down to an even pace, his shoulders moving in time with his breathing. His eyes were closed, a calm expression on his face. His dark, scarlet hair framed his beautiful face, his lips settled in what seemed like a very small smile. 

He had fallen asleep. 

I couldn't help but smile at the sight of him, and I found myself holding him closer. I sighed, rubbing my cheek to his perfectly smooth hair. His hand rested lightly between mine and his legs, the other still around my waist. I felt a faint blush come up to my cheeks as I let myself move in to the temptation. My free hand crept up to his free one in a light touch, and I leaned in to let my lips touch one of his closed eyes. "Take care of yourself, Kurama."

He surprised me when he nodded, though I was sure he was still asleep. I looked down at our hands, and watched quietly when his crept up to embrace mine in a warm hold, and made all signs of my uneasiness disappear. 

End of chapter 14


	16. Destiny 15

Destiny

Standard disclaimers apply; Yu Yu Hakusho and all mentioned characters are not mine and all those usual yappings. Chapter done in Kurama's point of view.

The story isn't flowing the way I want it to over the last chapters for some reason...*sighs*. Ne! Sorry if I haven't been reflecting much on Botan's side, heehee, finally, someone caught my booboo ^_^' The problem is, I _can't_ do it properly on Botan's side, weird as it may sound since I should know, being a girl myself. Huhu...*puts on boke hat* Ayah! Che-chan will do her best next time, is that okay? ^.^ Comments, suggestions and all those usual stuff are very much appreciated ^_^ - blackcape@edsamail.com.ph

Chapter 15

My sight was still blurry when I opened my eyes. Pitch-black darkness was the first thing I saw, until my vision gradually adjusted to the lack of light. I saw a table across from where I was in. A pale, seemingly translucent curtain rubbed against my cheek, the texture of thin linen caressing the almost numb skin of my face. I felt a thick blanket against my bare chest and up to my chin, with a soft pillow supporting my aching head. 

I tried to lift my hand to at least ease the surging pain in my temples, but an unexpected jolt of weakness ran up my arm. My body felt like it weighed a ton when I tried to sit up, and the pain in my head made me regret trying to get off the comforts of my pillow. I winced, and willed myself to at least look around. 

The corner from which the bed laid, the window whose curtains still caressed my cheeks, the study table that carried a familiar school bag with a small shelf flooded with various books just beside it; yes, this were all familiar to me. Even through the darkness, I knew where I was. I was in my room.

I blinked, but regretted the action yet again when my head started to throb, together with the muscles that surrounded my eyes as they all seem to ache almost unbearably. I felt a sudden dryness in my throat, and my body immediately ached for water to quench my thirst. Thus, despite my unbearable weakness, I lifted both legs and tried to make it to the side of my bed. But as I moved my hand to support myself to one side, I came across something that kept me from moving any further. 

The moonlight provided me enough light to recgnize what it was that I touched. My eyes widened. 

Blue silken hair lay sprawled against the whiteness of the blanket, carelessly disheveled yet heavenly and hypnotizing in their state. Sleeves of baby pink gleamed against the light, bearing pale, seemingly delicate hands as they lay almost lifelessly on the softness of the bed. The thin arms that held these gentle fingers were bent, supporting the head that bore the face of an angel as it stayed tilted to one side, drowned in deep sleep.

The sheer beauty in her vulnerable state made me want to touch her, that even before I could stop myself, I already felt the softness of her cerulean locks embedded around my rough, calloused touch. All the thirst I previously felt for anything else were forgotten as I succumbed to the long-kept need to touch her, and though it may not seem to be the wisest of decisions, I lowered my lips to at least get a faint taste of her soft, painfully familiar skin. 

All things that had kept me anchored to reality all seem to fade away as I laid there, my hand resting against her head, my thumb stroking her hair, my cheek rested on her arm yet careful not to bear too much weight. I closed my eyes, faintly similar to hers as she floated in a deep slumber, not even aware of this stolen moment I was having with her as she rested, oblivious from all the world. I did not dare sigh despite the pleasure that I felt, lest I risk rousing her from her sleep, thus cutting this much-awaited moment from which I've found an unfamiliar comfort. 

Though blissful and contented as I thought I was, the pain caught in the very same source seem to rival the lightness in my chest. I shut my eyes as I tried to ignore the tightness inside me, shut myself from any pain that would force me to move away from her warmth. I'm tired of turning my back from what my mind was screaming for, and I even remembered the times I catch myself at times, asking why I even obey that tiny voice in my head. How was I so sure that what it says is the right thing?

I willed myself to stop thinking. I willed myself to stop thinking of the downfalls behind the possibilities, to stop thinking of whatever it was that I was warned about; Koenma's words, warnings that I refuse to understand yet I heed. All these kept me from having those I've come to long for, and kept me from the past from which I was seeking to continue. What was so wrong in wanting to be with her anyway? So what if we were worlds apart, we met, didn't that count? How were they damn sure it'll lead to someone else's ruin, how dare they generalize all these various races from which they base their rules upon?

I've asked myself these questions a thousand times, and yet I find myself distancing farther and farther despite my obvious repulsion against all of it. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe it was because I was afraid that if I dare tried to get my way, like I usually do in the past, I'd lose her once and for all. Similar events have happened. I've let my selfishness and arrogance get the best of me, and I've lost a lot of those things I've come to treasure instead of gaining anything at all. 

I thought I've grown out of that habit, of being the selfish one. I had been a good leader to my own horde, and I've learned how to be patient and resistant to any sort of anxiety and all the other sort of emotion that kept me from being the best that I had once been. I don't know how it happened, how I've lost my sanity and reason just because of one, single person. I should've died, but what was I doing here? Was I wrong to even try?

But all thoughts, all questions, left me when I felt a faint steering from beneath me. The slow movement of her head made me pull away, and I watched her tiredly rub her eyes, her hands clenched in tight fists as she pushed all her drowsiness away. I moved away, leaning on one arm as I watched her with intent eyes, watching her tender movements as she stretched her limbs, watched as she slump down to take a deep breath. 

Seconds of what seemed like eternity, they passed me by as I watched her. I didn't move in fear of her noticing me, which doesn't look like she have just yet. I was afraid to end the moment that I just had with her, afraid that she would notice the hand that I refused to pull away and still held her tiny wrist. I caught myself gazing down at her, drowned in the sheer beauty of her tiniest movement, lost in the brightness of her eyes of purple as they stared out in a blank expression. 

It wasn't until a few more moments did she finally blink herself awake, and looked down at the hand that clutched her own. I waited for her to look up, to regard me with eyes filled with shock, or probably revulsion. After all, it's been long ago since we've been this close, and it had been my fault that it ended in such a regrettable moment in my part. All those words I've said, I didn't mean to say them out loud. I meant to just keep them to me, so she wouldn't suffer so in behalf of my own self-pity. 

It would make me laugh how pathetic I found myself to be. Kurama, the famous thief that once been known as cold and indifferent of anything else, had finally learned how to shed tears. And in front of somebody else no doubt. 

But it wasn't just somebody. This I know as I look down at her, her gaze still concentrated on something I may not be able to see. She was looking down at her own hand, still and seemingly unreachable despite the closeness of my own with hers. Yet her eyes were unfocused, still and unmoving beneath my gaze. Or was she just refusing to look up and see me?

After what seemed like hours yet I knew they were but seconds, I tired myself of waiting for her to move, and freed her from her restraint. She did not do anything, not even following the movement of my hand away from hers. And I pulled it to me, bringing up my other hand to hold the other as it trembled from the cold, and from the emptiness. 

Silence reigned again for what seemed like long minutes until she finally spoke. "How are you feeling?" she asked, blinking up to move her gaze to me. What looked like a bitter smile graced her angelic features, her eyes still unreadable despite the cheer she was using to mask out whatever it was that she felt. 

I felt my chest tighten yet again, taking my all just to prevent myself from clawing at it in attempts to make the pain go. I looked away, not finding it in myself to look at that smile, that little smile that seem to mock me with its beauty. Did she mean it? Was she really worried? It was paranoia that I felt, whether or not I should put up my cold shield so she wouldn't be able to enter with her alluring innocence, thus giving her all the permission to hurt me yet again, or just let myself succumb to her tender ministrations, mindless of anything else. 

I decided to look away, my decision in between the two options, not knowing which to pick. I opened my mouth to speak, forming the words, "I'm fine" on my tongue as I rasped them out. I was not sure if that was a lie or not. I didn't know the answer myself.

She was silent yet again. She then stood up after a moment of looking at me and asked, "Are you hungry? Would you like me to get you anything?"

I looked up at her. My earlier thirst came back to me again, worse than it had been and made me want to cry out for comfort. But I decided I didn't want to bother her. "I'll do it," I said, moving from under the blanket to stand up, but her hands stopped me. Eitherway, I wouldn't be able to stand from the weakness but was too late to realize it, that I just had to thank her for stopping me.

"No. Koenma-sama told me to take care of you, so that's what I'm going to do." This she said, not waiting for me to respond and she was off.

So that was it. That was why she was here. Koenma told her to, and everything Koenma wants, Koenma gets. I sighed, trying to shake off the sudden surge of jealousy that seemed to course through me, ignoring it as it settled on my stomach in a sickening jolt. As if I hadn't had enough of my pathetic moments. I had no right to be jealous, it wasn't like I own her. And Koenma was her master, he had more right to her than I would ever have, no matter what I do. I just hope I can get to knock some sense into myself before I say anything else. 

I sighed yet again, finally yielding to my body's pains and leaned back on the pillows, closing my eyes. Such a simple gesture took a lot of my strength as I gasped and panted out every measured breath. I can't remember what went through my mind on those moments from where I had my eyes closed, my vision void of anything else but the ebony darkness that surrounded me. I yielded to my tiredness, yielded to my body's plea of but a short rest. I don't think I thought of what happened, thought of what I had been thinking on that moment I lay there on the hard grounds of Makai, taunting Sensui to no end until Yusuke finally came in. No, I didn't think about it, and I pushed it at the back of my head to clear my mind off any other things that would make my chest ache more than it already does. 

It must've been a few minutes when she did come back, holding out a silver tray. The sweet aroma of congee tickled my nostrils and made me open my weary eyes. I watched quietly as she settled the tray down to look at me. "Would you like to turn the lights on?" she asked, gesturing to the switch just beside the door. 

I shook my head no, not seeking the supposed comforts of the lights. I felt it in myself that I liked the darkness, most especially when she nodded her head and went near the window, spreading the curtains out to let the light of the moon in. The moonlight casted an ethereal look upon the room, and I closed my eyes, etching its beauty inside my mind. 

She moved with an undeniable grace towards the table from which the food lay, taking the tray again as she settled the tray down beside me. She then moved to pull the small table beside the bed, and this she used to place the tray on as she sat beside me. She looked at me. "Your mother doesn't seem to be around, so I made this myself," she said, a shy smile on her lips. "So be gentle if you're planning to judge the taste, okay?"

I think I smiled a little bit and nodded. 

She nodded as well and reached out for the bowl, holding it by the platter that supported its weight. She then held a spoon in the other hand, dipping it in, took it out, slid out the spill underneath and was about to lean in to feed me when I stopped her. She frowned. "What?"

I looked down, a little bit embarrassed with myself for a moment. "I can feed myself, you don't have to bother with me," I said. 

Botan sighed and settled the bowl down on the table. She then turned to me. "You've not fully recovered your strength yet, just let me do it," she said, her voice rising in a domineering manner as she eyed me intently. 

I looked back. "I'm sure I can do it, I can't be that weak." I wasn't sure if this is true, since just a while ago I found it difficult just leaning back. But I was certain that I didn't want to bother her, and I am not the kind who'd want to be seen as a sick puppy at all. 

But she still held a firm gaze on me. She pulled out my hand from underneath the covers and rested it on hers. I blinked down at my hand on hers, trying to cover up the steady blush that seem to have crept to my cheeks at the simple touch. But she didn't seem to see this though, thank goodness, as she looked at me strenly. "Try and clench you fist, please," she said, pointing at my hand on hers. 

I didn't do it just yet. My visible hand lay still on hers as I checked my strength on the other one underneath the covers, scowling as it refused to clench tightly, realizing that I can't even use my full strength to at least close a fist. I was thankful that she didn't see it. I frowned, pulling my hand away from her almost a bit too roughly, finding it useless to even try to show her since I had nothing to prove. She was right, but I didn't say anything and just looked away. 

She laughed then, then settled on a knowing smile. "See? I'm right, aren't I?"

I didn't look at her. "I'm just going to feed myself, I don't need that much strength for that," I said stubbornly, still refusing to let her feed me. I still find the idea embarrassing and horrific to my pride. 

She frowned in response. "But if you spill anything, I'm not going to clean up after you."

"I'm not going to spill anything."

"But you might."

"Fine. I'll clean it up myself then."

"You could barely stand."

"I'll do it."

"You know, your food's getting cold. If you would just let me do what I'm supposed to, you could've been eating it instead of us arguing about it."

"I can do it."

"You need to regain your strength."

"I will sleep afterwards then."

"Let me do it, please! Besides, I don't want to sit around and watch you eat, I can't stand doing nothing."

"No."

"Stop acting like a stubborn child, Kurama!"

"I will be looking like a child if I let you feed me, Botan."

She stopped. She didn't miss the sarcasm on that last statement, and it almost made me regret arguing with her in the first place. I was near panic that she'll get angry, and I decided that I should apologize. But when I was about to open my mouth to speak, I took one look at her and I stopped. 

She was grinning, and trying to stiffle an upcoming laughter. And by the time I could regain myself from my shock and confusion, she did laugh. 

I frowned yet again, not liking the state of confusion she just left me in. "What?" I asked irritated, yet somewhat amused and relieved that I've thought wrong. 

She shook her head, a lingering smile on her face as she looked at me again. "Rock paper scissors then!" she said, holding out a fist in front of her. "Whoever wins get the spoon, is that okay?" she asked. 

I blinked, still confused. "What?!"

Botan rolled her eyes. "Come on, afraid you'll lose? It's just a simple game, Kurama."

I thought I felt a sweatdrop run down the side of my head, but she insisted. I sighed in defeat and held out my own hand. She then said the words and after three counts, we drew out our picks. 

I drew rock.

She drew paper.

"I win!" she grinned, snatching up the spoon and bowl from the tray and held it up and stuck her tongue out at me in a childish manner. But before I could retort back, she already had the spoon up to my lips, a smile on her child-like face as the sweet fragrance filled my nostrils. But much as I was gravely intoxicated with it, I held my mouth shut. She frowned. "Ne, don't be stubborn, I won fair and square!"

I looked at her, instantly losing myself on the pleading looks she had on her pretty face as she toyed with me a little more. This went on a few seconds more, but by the time she pouted and gave me a disappointed expression, I knew I lost to her yet again. I sighed, feeling defeated, yet content as I met her smile again. I finally smiled back and opened up. 

We were silent again as she fed me, but I was comfortable for once, and just received her servings obediently without another word. This went on for a few minutes more. 

"Kurama?"

I looked up to her, my eyebrows shot up in question. "Hai?"

She looked down, gave me the last spoonful and set the bowl down, handing me the glass of water next. She waited for me to finish before she continued. "Ne, let's start over."

My brows met up in confusion. I didn't know what she meant, and decided to wait for further words that might explain herself to me. 

But she only smiled at me, not answering my silent question. She held a hand out as if asking for a handshake. "Hi, I'm Botan. Can we be friends?" she asked, a sincere smile void of jokes and everything else on her gentle face. 

At first I only stared down at her hand, trying to fathom the situation inside my mind. Her words repeated themselves to me, playing around in my head as I looked at her. 

Can we be friends? 

Friends. I looked at her hand again, taking in its delicate form as I thought of her words. After all that has happened, was she really willing to forgive me? I was too worried about it that even if what she said was a matter of just being friends, it almost didn't matter. All I knew is that I wanted to be with her, in whatever way possible. I frowned, not knowing what else to say. I looked at her, my eyes weary and troubled. "Botan, I--"

She still retained her smile. "Let's say that you remind me of someone I hold very dear to me, and I want to get to know you better. Is that okay?"

At first I was silent, staring blankly at her hand that she still held up for me. Just a while ago, I could barely touch her, not even sure if I was allowed to, and now I can't understand how I feel just seeing her again, smiling, holding up a hand for me to touch and hold freely. Going back through the loneliness I had to endure over the days I've refused to see her, to give myself the satisfaction of at least gazing at her beautiful eyes, I almost painfully realized how much I've missed her. 

And how much these words of hers meant to me. How much she meant to me. 

All thoughts cast aside, the realization of what she had been to me evident in front of me, I knew my answer. I looked up at her, smiled and nodded. "Likewise," I found myself saying as I brought up my own hand to embrace hers in a firm hold. "My name is Kurama. Nice to meet you."

End of chapter 15


	17. Destiny 16

**Destiny**

Standard disclaimers apply. Chapter done in Botan's point of view.

First of all, I would like to apologize to everyone for even thinking of discontinuing this fanfic. I swear, I never wanted to, it's just that my brain stopped ticking for this fanfic. But I'm trying now, so please be patient with me, okay? ^.^ This goes without saying: my writing has changed. Not drastically, mind you, but you might notice it. I don't use much fan girl Japanese anymore, and I suppose my choice of words have changed as well. I may have stopped writing much K+B, but I went on writing anyway. And so, after what seems like a year since the last I touched this fanfic, I apologize again and I give you my promise that I'll try my hardest to continue what I've started. *bows*

Dedication goes to everybody who told me to continue. Special mentions go to Raven (I forgot why ^^; All I know is that you're always the one who tells me that I'm not forced to do anything, but you made me want to continue so badly because I feel really guilty o.O) and Eunc (thanks a LOT! *throws a mad fit* You gave me the worst guilt-spree I ever went in! XP But yeah, I really appreciate that really long review O.O)

**Chapter 16**

My trip back to Reikai was strangely fast. One minute, I was flying through the crimson clouds of dawn and the next, I'm facing the high gates that lead inside the vast palace of Enma Daioh. I supposed that I was too busy thinking of everything that happened that I didn't realize where I was going. It was all too well that the way from Ningenkai to Reikai was all but tattooed inside my mind lest I get myself lost with my own lack of attention.

But I just can't help it. Something strange, something _wonderful_ just happened and it's so difficult to get it out of my head. It was surprising that though Kurama and I have turned away from each other more than I am willing to count, when we end up speaking to each other again, it still brings out the same feelings from me. So much has happened that smiling was all I could do in place of mentally shaking my own hand for a job well done. 

What I had asked for Kurama was small, and yet to me it seems so great that the feeling of elation brought me back to Reikai without me even knowing it. I remember the way he asked me to stay, even just until he falls asleep. Koenma-sama gave me until morning, but I was afraid to not be able to leave if I stayed any longer - need I say why? - and so I insisted that I must go. It took little plea to make him understand my urgency, and he smiled in understanding - and I could've sworn there was a mischievous sparkle in those green eyes - before he nodded and closed his eyes. 

Friendship. I asked for nothing but friendship, and a chance to start over. I did not ask to bring back what we had, for what we once had seem so chaotic and, despite the many pleasures that it had given me just as well, it was painful nonetheless. I want him to know me more, and I want to know him if ever he changed since we last met. 

I was so entranced with my own thoughts that I didn't see the figure that stood by the main stairway until I was mid-way up the steps. But when I looked up finally, I recognized the tall, regal form of my master. He rarely used this form in Reikai, but I didn't have much time to ponder on this thought at first because I all but flew the remaining steps to jump into his arms. 

"Koenma-sama!" I exclaimed upon reaching him, hugging him for all he's worth. We ended up in a very messy heap on the floor. I could've sworn that I'd get myself killed if ever anybody saw us. Here I was, a normal ferry girl with the Prince of Death most probably suffocating under my weight.

I seemed to have caught him off-guard, and he wriggled his way from my grip to no avail. "Botan, get your hands off me lest you want to be beheaded!!!" he yelled, still struggling away from my grip. 

I let out a small giggle before sitting up, pulling him with me as well. I waited while he fixed himself, pulling and raking on his hair this way and that, then adjusting his tunic. He cast me a very icy glare after that, but I was too happy that I ended up hugging him again, though less enthusiastically. "Thank you!" I said, squeezing him tightly that I could've sworn he let out a small 'meep'. I couldn't help but laugh again. 

"I don't think I would want to know why," he said, pushing me off of him yet again, even if he knew I'm not going to budge. 

"For giving me some time with him," I said anyway, letting him go finally. I kneeled down in front of his graceless form, tilting my head to one side innocently, further infuriating him. I kept my smile while he fixed himself again, but as time passed by, the smile melted away. I just remembered something. "I know you don't approve," I started, and I felt my eyebrow crease in worry. "That's why, I'm just wondering..." 

He was now standing up and was patting away the non-existent dirt from his pants and tunic. "What?" he asked when I didn't show much signs of continuing. 

"Well," I was hesitant to continue to be honest, but I did anyway. "Why?" I asked. 

For a moment, all Koenma-sama did was stare at me. He then looked around, probably to see if anybody was watching us. "Follow me," he said as he turned his back to walk towards the entrance doors. Wordlessly, I stood up and ran after him. 

He led us to his office, and once there, he stood to lean back on his desk. He seemed to be deep in thought, and he had his arms crossed in that slightly intimidating way. Normally, I'm not really afraid of Koenma-sama because despite his bossiness and prince-y attitude, he's still very playful most of the time. But sometimes, one can't help but be reminded that he's the prince of Reikai. One word and he can have you killed. Not that I think Koenma-sama would kill me. I mean, I may be working for him, but I do know that he considers me a friend as well as an employee. 

But I suppose that he went into this serious mode and it's starting to get to me. He didn't seem to be very angry a while ago, and he _did _make me stay behind in Ningenkai. "Anou...Koenma-sama?" I asked, tilting my head to catch his eyes. Just to see what he's thinking about. Or something. 

"It's not everyday you cross a ferry girl with a youkai," he started, finally looking up to meet my eyes. I didn't say anything and just merely nodded, silenced by his stare. "I've put myself in much danger for keeping your secret, much more now that I allowed you to be with him. Look, I want to help. But there are just some things that even I cannot change." 

"That's okay," I said, hands clasped in front of me. I looked at him then. "I didn't know you're on my side, Koenma-sama. I kind of thought that you were trying to keep us apart." 

Koenma-sama shrugged. "Not really. I'm not really siding with anybody. But Kurama isn't exactly the type whom you'd run around with something to hit his head with. We never had much problems with him. That's Hiei's department." 

I let out a small laugh at that and offered Koenma-sama a smile. He seemed hesitant to share the smile with me, but eventually, he gave me a small one. Being the prince of Reikai meant that you have to make important decisions, and usually, those decisions require emotional detachment. It may not show, but even if Koenma-sama disregards his own feelings most of the time, he wants those around him to be happy. So much for the Prince of Death, huh? But I suppose that being around death becomes too much sometimes. One can't help but wish for happiness in a place as quiet as Reikai. Even I find myself like that most of the time, and I'm just a child here if one would compare me to Koenma-sama. 

"Ne, don't worry about it, Koenma-sama," I said, offering him comfort. I figured he needed it, because he just risked his position again for what he did for me. "I'll never want to put you into trouble. You've helped me enough, don't make my problem with Kurama yours. And besides, we're not like we used to be. I asked to be just friends with him, and he accepted it that way." 

I waited for him to respond. It took a while, but eventually, he sighed and straightened up. "All right," he said, casting me an unreadable look. He seemed to want to tell me more, but thought better of it. "And I think we've stayed here long enough. Go and have your rest. I'll call you when I need you." 

"Thank you," I said, meaning it in more ways than I can count. I bowed down to him in respect and turned away. My steps echoed through the expanse of his office, being the only sound inside the whole room. I could feel Koenma-sama's eyes following me, and for some reason, I felt something cold in my heart, and it made me turn back to where I last saw him. 

Koenma-sama, indeed, was looking at me. His face still held an unreadable expression, and he seemed to be deep in thought. Finally, after a moment of contemplating, he sighed. He seemed to have decided to voice out what he held in a while ago. "We live for eternity, Botan, that our hearts are different from those of mortals. But a heart is a heart no matter how things go, and it never takes orders from anybody. You have a heart of gold, and by that, it takes a firm hold on you." 

I can't say I quite understand what he just said, but he didn't look like he meant to explain anything. It seems so strange listening to him this way, but sometimes, Koenma-sama just refuses to be read. His words were sharp though, and he held them firmly. 

"There is a legend here in Reikai that says that what would destroy a spirit most is grief. Be careful of what you wish for. Love is a double-edged sword that can bind eternity in chains." 

I was quiet the whole way out of his office. Inside my room, I closed my eyes, and in my dreams I thought I heard Koenma-sama's voice. It was a memory I kept in my mind. We were in Ningenkai, looking for Yusuke, and we were waiting for something that still has not yet arrived. In the end, Koenma-sama got bored, and he turned to me. He told me a story. 

_"There is a legend in Reikai. Of a forbidden love between a ferry girl and a mortal, and of a grief kept for eternity. _

_ "In the highest clouds lives a spirit of a ferry girl who refuses to go back to the palace. Decades ago, she used to hold the spirit of a mortal, one whom she gave her love to. But as time passed, the essence of Reikai itself took the spirit little by little, claiming it around its very being that the man's soul became a part of Reikai itself. In her grief, the ferry girl refused to accept Reikai's claim, and she went around searching for the soul of the one she loves._

_ "Many claim to have seen the girl, but nobody would dare go near her. For around her stands a heavy air that squeezes the heart inside one's chest, threatening to burst. They say it was her grief, growing and growing that her body wasn't enough to keep it in. It became the spell lingering around her, protecting her from those who want to take her back to the palace. She refuses to come back without her lover's spirit. She was alone in her search, with only her own grief keeping her from all that she has." _

* * * * *

The day was pleasant as I stepped inside the Yukimura Ramen Shop. Keiko-chan was nice enough to invite us all. She said that it would be nice to get together with everybody after all that has happened. I think she also wished to cheer Yusuke up. Finding about a part of your past and realizing that you're not completely what you thought you were are enough to keep even a person like Yusuke occupied. 

"Botan-chan!" 

I looked up to see Keiko-chan running from behind the counter to greet me. I gave her a smile and a quick hug. "Keiko-chan, it's so nice to see you again!" I said, truly happy for being there with her. But I'd be lying if I say that I have nothing in my mind. My smile felt slightly strained despite my wanting to show one of my best friends that I'm truly glad to see them. 

Koenma-sama's words still burned in my head. It's been a while, and I never got to ask him about it. It's like one of those things that you know you have to figure out for yourself. But no, I'm awful at deciphering things. Not to mention he really scared me with those words. But then, deep down, something tells me I know part of what was meant for me to understand, and that Koenma-sama's just worried that I would hurt myself eventually. 

It's Koenma-sama's way of telling me that I can't tell myself to stop loving somebody just by simply telling myself not to. That's not how things work. And what I hate so much is that Koenma-sama's right. Even if I told him I wouldn't do anything to betray or hurt him, I can't deny what we both know. I'm disobeying him just by thinking about Kurama, but I just can't help it. I feel so bad about it, because I also feel like I'm turning against Kurama as well. How can I be friends with him when I can't lower the way I look at him to that level? 

I sat alone on one of the tables while waiting for the others to arrive. It gave me a while to think. Shizuru-chan came in next to me, followed by Kazuma-kun and Yukina-chan. Yusuke came in and as usual, fought for a while with Keiko only to end up losing and helping her out in the kitchen. Everyone laughed while watching the two, and even I found myself laughing with them. But it didn't take long for me to keep up because the door opened again, indicating yet another arrival of guests. 

The first thing I saw was that familiar shade of blood red, and it was enough to make me hold my breath. Kurama was in his school uniform, Hiei by his side looking as gloomy as ever, casting Kazuma-kun a pointed glare by the time he realized that Yukina was there beside him. The usual greetings. 

Everyone seemed to be enjoying the inevitable fight between Kazuma and Hiei that I supposed nobody caught me staring. So different from the silver youkai I met so many years ago, and yet their similarities were astounding just as well. The gentle face of Shuuichi Minamino and the fierce strength of the Silver Kitsune all add up to the beauty that was all his, defining him in ways no person could. His is a beauty meant for the soul, most importantly that of the heart, for no other person was as beautiful even on the inside. 

Somewhere along the way, the laughter died down and all that I could see and hear was his face and his voice. He was trying to keep Hiei down with a patience that was distinctly his. But eventually, his eyes rose and seemed to scan the area, and for a moment I felt like I needed to hide. But further thoughts escaped me when his gaze finally landed on me, and a ghost of a warm smile played on his face. A secret smile meant to be hidden from everyone but the girl across the room. 

I felt myself blush, for surely no girl wouldn't. It took my remaining common sense to cast him my own smile. But right now we are friends, but still my thoughts of him do not go very well with me. I see him still as the man I owed my life to. And the same one I left my heart with. 

Koenma-sama's words played inside my head, and I looked down at my hands. Words are but the things I used to avoid what I wouldn't admit, but in the end, it all comes down the same way.

There is a legend in Reikai. Of a forbidden love between a ferry girl and a mortal, and of a grief kept for eternity. Spirits are forever, but sadness is the weight that will take life even from something as beautiful as an angel. 

**End of chapter 16**


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